Breathe in
by beavercorn
Summary: A guy has feelings for best friend. Best friend finds love elsewhere causing him to try and find love so he's not alone. Things don't work out and they find out they're right for each other. Expect a lot of plot twists. *I'm bad at summaries.. actual story is much better! Also, may be triggering in some places and rated M for language and certain themes*
1. Secrets

I was in a very deep sleep and very unaware of my surroundings. All of a sudden I was awakened by a Totoro plush.

"What the fuck Phil?" I screamed at him in my high pitched voice and rubbed my tired eyes

"Morning sunshine!" He said in a jokey voice. He started to laugh.. that adorable laugh I loved to much. Everything from his voice to his sense of humour I loved, but I couldn't tell him that! He would freak out worse then he did when I put flour in his hairdryer- which I'd regretted ever since. What the fuck got into me? I could of just stopped at the salt but no. Back onto the subject of Phil, we are both bi, which is a plus side, right?

"come on, wake up! We have the radio show later"

"Uhh, fine! What should this weeks fan wars be?"

His eyes glowed. I could tell he was planning something evil for the fans to have to choose between.

"Pierce the veil vs Muse?"

"oh come on, how is the phandom meant to choose between them"

"Exactly.."

"you evil bastard!"

"oh shut up and come and help me"

"no.. I'm staying right here" I have no idea why I did this. It usually made Phil playful which I loved more then anything. He walked towards me and threw the Totoro at my head.

"get up" Next thing I know he is pulling my arm and I am on the hard wooden floor, staring up at him.

"Phhilll" I said in a whiny voice

"Daaaan" He copied the tone, so obviously mocking me.

I finally found my feet and found the Totoro. But stopped myself from hitting again, he likes when he wins things which rarely happened on our radio show. Just one week I want to let him win but I'm too fucking competitive.

We switched on some music in the background and started watching some of the music videos for the radio show. We'd been doing this for a few months now and people had started to stop sending clips, which was a shame.

*8 hours later- just after the radio show. Roughly 9:15pm*

We were walking towards the train station, shaking from how cold it was. The streets of London were quiet and dusty, they were almost dessert due to the fact it's a law in England that larger shops can only be open for 6 hours and most people open their shops at 10pm on Sunday. Just one shop was open. A small shop that sells hot beverages that me and Phil always go to after the show to get hot chocolate.

"Hello boys, Same as usual?" the man said. He was a larger man who seemed to always wear the same hat. He knew us very well now and was a pretty friendly man.

"Umm, actually I want coffee today. I was woken up surprisingly early by Phil" I said

"Stop feeling sorry for yourself Dan, it was almost 2pm" He said in a jokey way and started laughing with his hand over his mouth. I found this adorable but had no idea why he did it.

"Here you go boys, one coffee and one hot chocolate" He placed the drinks down on the counter and smiled. We always payed him a lot extra because he was so nice and his drinks were amazing, we could tell he was grateful for this.

We started to walk away towards the tube station. It seemed like the perfect moment to tell him but, I was so scared. Butterfly's were taking over my stomach.

"Hey, Dan. There's something I've been meaning to tell you" Phil said, timidly.

"Yeah, what?" I smiled at him hoping he would say the same things as what was on my mind.

"I kinda.. I.. I don't think now's the right time to tell you. I'm sorry"

"come on, we're best friends. We don't keep secrets!"

He sighed as if he'd been defeated. "Fine. Well, I.. Kinda.. Well.. I got a girlfriend."

I stood in shock. Never before has my heart deteriorated more then that moment..


	2. Move on

Breathe in.. But it was proving impossible.

What is life any more? Is there any point of being here? My whole life I'd spent just desperately trying to be accepted, from the age of about 4 or 5 when I started writing with my left handed and it seemed to everyone as if I'd just grown 2 fucking heads or something. My teenage years were me pursuing my dream of acting but, no one agreed with it, they laughed at me and called me gay, I dared tell them I liked both girls and boys. Phil was the only person in a long time that had made me feel any kind of acceptance. He was the reason I'd met most my friends.. PJ, Chris, Carrie, Alex.. So many more. He was also the reason I'd started YouTube and we were living a kind of adventure together.. The adventure so many people have dreamed of, it was a reality for us. All the phanfiction that I pretend to cringe at, I actually like reading these different scenarios.

"Dan.. Wakey wakey" I was brought back to reality by Phil's voice and him flapping his hands around my face.

"Uh, oh.. yeah. Sorry, I was just thinking about how I needed to get a girlfriend too" I smiled awkwardly as I told this blatant lie "so, what's her name?" I asked, pretending as if I cared.

"Oh.. Her names Hayle. She just moved from Australia a few weeks back. I met her in the streets- She was wondering around confused so I helped to get her back to her flat and we saw each other a few times since"

"Well I'm glad you're happy." Phil nodded along and started to take a sip of his Hot Chocolate "So when am I going to meet her? She sounds really nice" I said, trying to hide the pain I was internally feeling and keep a conversation going so he knows nothing is going on. Suddenly he started to choke on his drink, spitting it out. I had no idea why. Was he shocked that his best friend asked to meet his girlfriend?

He cleared his throat, after he cleared the drink from his lungs. "Oh.. sorry. I just didn't expect you to ask to meet her that fast"

"Oh.. No. I don't have to!" We had reached the tube station and were scanning our oyster cards on the card readers, waiting for the gates to open and let us through. It was already 9:23 and our tube was due in 2 minutes. Gates opened and we ran through the gates to our train. We had just made it and luckily I hadn't needed to put my head in the door to stop the train for Phil.

After about half an hour I'd noticed he'd gone a little quiet. Usually these train rides were our opportunity to cast our minds back to the events of that evening. What crazy songs the Phandom come up with and more importantly who they dedicate the songs to. For some reason all he did today was go on twitter for the entirety of the journey, replying to tweets more then he ever had done. It wasn't like him and I'm sure the Phandom could tell. I wasn't sure if he was deliberately avoiding conversation or if he simply didn't know what to say. It had been a pretty standard radio show and we had been having a pretty awkward discussion previously.

Finally we reached home and it was earlier then expected. We usually got home at 11 but today we reached home by 10.. Probably because we didn't stop to get dinner. We decided it would be easier to get home first and then I could go back out and pick up fish and chips while he edits his new video. Phil went to his computer to edit and I headed out again.

I walked into the cold streets once again and crossed the road to the fish and chip shop that seemed to light up the street. It was pretty quiet and there was only one person inside. A woman with brunette hair and blue eyes. I could of sworn my heart skipped a beat the moment I set eyes on her. I walked into the shop and up to the counter.

"Umm.. Hey. Can I get two portions of fish and chips" I said to the woman working at the shop.

"You're just in time. We're closing soon"

"Okay, thanks"

"Just wait there while I cook the chips"

Perfect. I had the opportunity to talk with that beautiful girl I had seen.

"Hey. My name's Dan"

"Hey, I'm Tiffany. Nice to meet you" She put her hand out for me to shake. I couldn't get over how flawless her manors were. I took her hand and shook it, still breath taken by her beauty.

I wasn't sure what to say next, I wasn't good at this. I think she could tell and so helped break the silence.

"So how old are you?"

"I'm 21. What about you?"

"I'm 19. Do you work?" She said with a smile.. What ever you do Dan, don't mention youtube, you're doing so well!

"Yeah. I'm a radio DJ and Internet Cult Leader.." I had just come to a realisation of the words I had said.. Cult Leader. I'm fucked.. This couldn't be going worse. But she just took it with a pinch of salt and giggled.

"Cult leader? What's that supposed to mean?" She said in a jokey tone, clearly concerned.

"Basically I'm a video blogger on youtube and I have a lot of people who watch my videos and I hate saying I have fans because it makes me seem like I'm a celebrity which, dear god, I'm not. So instead of saying I have fan's I just say I'm an internet cult leader. Makes it a lot easier."

"ahh, I see! Sounds fun! And what about the whole DJ thing?"

"Oh, me and my friend got recognised by BBC Radio1 because of our youtube channels and large following. We now do the Sunday night request show"

"Oh wow, that's so interesting. You're so lucky"

"Yeah well, we worked really hard to get here"

"I can only imagine"

"So do you work then?"

"Umm.. Yeah. I am an app developer for both android and IOS and in my free time I also do random roles in assorted theatre productions. I love doing both but don't get payed well for either. Once I made and app that got over 700,000 downloads and I got no recognition for it. My boss took all the credit and didn't even give me fair pay.. It wasn't much. Just the money made on ads but, It's still money, right!" I felt my heart start to break there and then. It must be so hard.

"food's ready.." The woman from behind the counter called. She set 2 portions of Fish and Chips down on the counter and 1 portion of chips. Tiffany picked up her chips and started to get some money out of her pocket. I noticed this and insisted I pay for her too. At the time she argued that she can pay for herself but after reassuring her it was okay she finally settled down and let me. I started walking out of the shop, remembering the conversation I'd just had.

"Wait.." I turned around to Tiffany's voice as she started walking up to me "You paid for me, now I should give you something back" She then gave me a piece of paper with what seemed to be her mobile number scribbled on it. This made me smile so much, I probably looked like a twat but at this moment I didn't care.

Phil's POV

Why did I have to tell him I had a girlfriend.. Was it to see his reaction? Was it to see if he believed me? To see if he was upset by the words to prove to me that he liked me in the same way I liked him. What ever I had done, I didn't know whether I should regret it or not. I could see the hurt in his eyes when I told him. Why did I want to make him feel that way?

Suddenly Dan burst in holding the brown bag. The smell of greasy food came wafting in. Dan looked a substantial amount happier then he did before he left.

"Why are you suddenly looking so happy?" I asked.

"Umm.. I met this girl at the fish and chip shop. She was stunning. I think my heart literally skipped a beat when I saw her and we talked for a while and then she gave me her number" He said, setting the food on coffee table while taking one portion out, wrapped in paper. He passed it to me but I wasn't really taking notice. I was just in total shock that he had met a girl who he was quite clearly head over heals for. This alone was enough to prove he didn't have any kind of feelings for me.

Dan's POV

Me and Phil ate in silence, which I hated. I was pretending to move on but it was really hard. He was with Hayle and I had just met a gorgeous girl who I'm yet to get to know better. Hopefully she will take my mind off Phil.

**Later that night**

I decided it was the perfect opportunity to text Tiffany now..

_Hey_

_hey_

_how are you? _

_I'm good, you?_

_I'm good. What you up to?_

_Nothing really. Just interneting_

_Should of guessed xD What you up to tomorrow lunchtime?_

_Nothing, why?_

_I was wondering if you were free to go and get some lunch and get to know each other better?_

_Yeah, I'd like that. Where do you want to meet?_

_Outside the fish and chip shop at say 12:30?_

_Okay, See you then_

_Yeah, see you then!_

_I'm going to head to bed now.. getting late. Bye x_

_Okay well sleep tight! _

**Hey guys! This is my first fanfiction written alone.. I'm writing another one with a friend and that made me realise how much I love writing but I can't write until they finish their chapters so I decided it was a perfect opportunity to write my own Fanfiction. I posted on the facebook fanpage that I help admin (dedicated to the phandom) what my fanfic should be about and the popular demand was a phan story. This may be incredibly awkward in places.. I am a terrible writer. Please leave reviews to improve my work though- It will be much appreciated!. Thanks c: **


	3. The date

*8:56am- Monday*

Phil's POV

I woke up to see Final Cut pro opened on my iMac with half my video edited. I must have fallen asleep when editing my new video. I took this as an opportunity to go and get some toast and a cup of coffee.

I got into the kitchen to notice Dan sitting at the table eating Cheerios.

"Hey" he looked up from his bowl as I reached the kitchen and started putting 2 pieces of toast in the toaster.

"Hey. You're up pretty early.." I knew this wasn't like him and something was going on.

"Oh yeah.. I got a date later and wanted to get a shower first and you know that when I have a shower my hair goes into Hobbit form" I felt as if my heart had been torn out and I'm sure he could tell.

"So how are things going with you and Hayle?" he asked me, clearly trying to change the subject. I knew I couldn't tell him I made her up..

"Oh yeah.. We actually broke up last night. Didn't last long. She said she felt intimidated by fangirls"

"Oh.. Well I'm sorry that it didn't work out for you two!"

"No.. It's okay. I knew it wouldn't anyway. When is your date?"

"12:30.. We're just going to get lunch and get to know each other."

"Well, have fun.." I said, trying to keep a smile- Which was hard, even for me.

"Can I talk to you about something?" I noticed he had a slight seriousness to his tone in voice.

"umm.. Sure. What about?" I was nervous.. What if he noticed I liked him? I took a seat next to him.

"Well.. I'm terrified of meeting this girl and having to talk.. It was so easy through text but now, I don't get to think about my answers before she hears them"

"You'll be fine! There are almost a million girls out there that want to go out with you."

"But that's different. I can just rerecord if I say something that makes me seem stupid. If I fuck up in person then I just end up looking like a twat"

"and I guess that will test whether they are the right person for you. If they don't care if you say something stupid then you know they're right"

"Okay.. I guess you're right. And I am really sorry about you and Hayle" I felt so bad about lying to him and now it was too late to make things better. I've ruined everything..

*fire alarm goes off*

"Oh shit.. Phil.. Your toast!" Dan shouted at me as I jumped up to take the toast out of the toaster. I fought myself through the thick smoke waving my arms around trying to clear the smoke.

"Sorry I distracted you while you were making toast" Dan called as he started opening windows.

"It's alright. It was my mistake" I said back to him

"no it wasn't. If I didn't ask to talk then I wouldn't of made this massive fuck up"

"Dan, It's no big deal. Trust me, everything's okay" I said, wondering why he was getting so upset about toast.

The smoke cleared and I'd finally made some new toast and coffee. We sat in silence for a while, I figured Dan needed some quiet..

"I'm going to go and take a shower. See you in a while." Dan finally broke the silence.

"Don't sing Lion King songs too loudly in the shower today. I need to go and finish editing and you'll distract me!" I called to him in a jokey way leaving him laughing at me.

"Oh yeah.. Don't want your fans to attack you for not getting a video out on time. Permission to sing Britany Spears in the shower?" He said.

"Sure.. Just not loudly!"

"Fine.."

"Good! I'll be in my room if you need me"

"Okay. See you in a while."

"bye"

He walked off into the bathroom and I walked into my room with my coffee after taking a final bite of my toast. Back to editing..

Dan's POV

Phil's broke up with his girlfriend.. meaning I may still have a chance.. Right? No. No I don't! I'm going on a date with an extremely attractive girl who I like but, I still have feelings for Phil. Why? I don't know.. We've been through so much and I wouldn't have to go through that awkward getting to know you stage and he means everything to me, but I guess that's the same with any of my friends. There's just something special about Phil.

I finished washing conditioner out of my hair and grabbed my towel from the rack.

Rubbing my eyes I started to pull the towel around my body so I was covered. I then walked out and made my way to my room.

Checking the time I started to work at my hobbit hair and sort out some clothes. The weather had changed a lot recently and it was fairly warm outside (Which can't last long in England) so I picked out some skinny jeans that obviously wouldn't stay up and my 'The Ring' top and threw them down on the bed. I had just over an hour to get dressed and do my hair. I should manage it. How did I spend so long in the shower? I guess I was doing some pretty intense thinking.

After 50 minutes I was finally ready to head out but I didn't need to for another half an hour.

"Hey Phil. You wanna play some Mario Kart before I go out?"

"Still editing but I guess I could have a little break"

I set up the wii and he sat on the couch beside me. We selected our characters and started playing. Half an hour passed quicker then I thought but I just wanted to spend time with Phil.. I didn't think Tiffany mattered any more, but I couldn't leave her alone.. I had to make this date whether it worked out or not.

I ran down the stairs and crossed the road to the Fish and Chip shop. She was already waiting there for me.

"Hey. Good to see you again" she said to me with a smile.

"Yeah, you too! So how have things been?"

"They've been okay.. I have to go to work later so that's why I'm free now. Any ideas of where to go or should I take you somewhere?"

"I don't know. What did you have in mind?"

"Well, We could go to eat at the sandwich bar around the corner and then make our way to a Starbucks or something to get coffee afterwards and talk more?"

"yeah.. that sounds good!"

We walked to the sandwich bar and got our food but didn't stay for long. We found a park bench to sit on while eating and just talked. We had so much in common, from music to hobbies and we even discovered that both of us hated being poked on the neck. It was amazing. I felt as if I had met the perfect person for me but for some reason they felt more of a sister or friend then the girl I was on a date with.

We got coffee and talked for a really long time after that.. She was perfect but I still felt little connection. Was it because it was the first date and we were both nervous?

We were nearing the Fish and Chip shop once again. Our hands had joined a while ago and fitted perfectly together.

"Hey, Dan.." She said in an innocent tone.

"yeah.."

"This might seem awkward but.. I mean.. I'm not someone that does this on the first date but-" I cut her off by pressing my lips against hers.. It didn't feel right. It was an amazing kiss with an amazing girl but my mind quickly drifted to thoughts of Phil. A smile appeared on her face as our lips parted and I felt as if I had to mirror the smile too.

"well, this has been good.. Maybe we can do it again soon." she said, looking so happy.

"Yeah, maybe. I'll give you a call sometime. Bye" I smiled at her awkwardly.

"Bye.. See you sometime soon" She walked away towards her house and I returned back to mine to see something shocking. I had no words.. Finally I found some words I selected in my head but there was only one that I could get out..

"Phil?!"


	4. do we have an emergency?

Lying on the floor.. pale skin.. Bottle of pills in his hand, half empty.. it was clear he had done this to himself. I had to call 999. I had tears streaming down my face and my whole body was vigorously shaking. I couldn't stop. My feet felt none existent. I dialled as I stared at Phil. I couldn't help but go onto my knees and stroke his fragile face. His skin was burning hot so I knew he was still alive. I felt relieved but I still had to get him to hospital.

"Hello"

"Umm.. hell.. hello. I.. I'm.. call..calling.. for a.. f..f..friend" my voice was trembling and clearly my body wasn't the only thing shaking.

"What's wrong with your friend"

"I.. I.. think he.. t..tried.. to.. to.." I couldn't bring myself to speak..

"To what sir?"

"I think he tried to kill himself"

"Really? How?"

"Ove.. overdosing" the sound of my own voice echoed in my head.

"Oh. I see. Okay sir. We'll send an ambulance straight away"

"Thank you. Thank you so much.. please say he'll be okay"

"Well, I can't control that. Its in the hands of the doctors and nurses not me."

"Okay.. thanks though." I was just happy their might be some sort of hope for him.

I started to stoke his dark hair hoping he would know of my presence. Why did he do this though? I bet it's because of Hayle.. but over a girl? Why Phil? Tears once again poured down my face as I sat stroking his hair. Then there was a knock at the door.

"Hey"  
"Oh for fucks sake Chris what the fuck are you doing here you twat?" I screamed at him with tears flooding down my face. I was heartbroken

"PJ was mean to me and now so are you.. I give up" he said in an ashamed and scared tone.

"I'm sorry but I'm waiting for an ambulance"

"An ambulance? For who.. what's happened?"

"Phil.. he.. um.." a lump formed in my throat making it impossible to talk. I just let him in and pointed at his motionless body. A few tears trickled down his face and Chris came over to hug me when there was a knock at the door once again

"Hello.. we're here for a man. Apparently attempted suicide" a small paramedic was at the door with a few taller male paramedics who seemed quite muscular standing behind her.

"Yeah right there.." I said. She shot past me and Chris and attended to Phil. Giving injections and checking things like temperature and blood pressure. They then lifted Phil onto a stretcher.

"Are any of you men coming in the ambulance?"

"We're allowed?" Chris said, very surprised.

"Definitely.. You're in his house so must be close to him"

"Yeah, he's my best friend.." I told her.

"Okay. So you're coming in the ambulance then?"

"Yeah.. okay." I said.

We got outside and there were a few people watching, but not many. The ride in the ambulance felt longer then it was. Once we got there we were told to wait in the waiting area while he gets checked out further but I didn't want to leave his side. I followed his stretcher up the hall until I got pulled back by Chris.

"Come on.. You know you can't go with him. He is incredibly sick" Chris said to me in a reassuring tone. I felt slightly defeated as I stood in the middle of the hall watching Phil being taken away into a room. My tears started to fall once again as I put my head in my hands. Chris guided me back to the waiting area and sat me down. I went to check the time on my phone and saw the picture of me and Phil at a new years party a few years back, him looking as adorable as always. I felt my tears pouring again as I opened twitter. Do I tweet the phandom and tell them what's going on? I decided against it and decided to go to Phil's twitter to see if he had uploaded his video. That's when I saw a pretty scary tweet.. I could tell he was trying to say he was going to kill himself but didn't want his fans worrying.

'Hey guys.. I may not be around for a while.. I'm so sorry.' I felt a slight pain in my chest and the tears once again started to pour.. Only I knew what he was talking about.. Do they really deserve that? It doesn't matter.. Just stop over-thinking.

My tears had finally stopped and Chris had gone to get some coffee for both of us from the starbucks across the road. I sat with my hands in between my knees and started to shake my right leg ever so slightly. I did this when I was nervous. My head started to fill with many thoughts I know I don't want to remember. In the middle of one of these thoughts I was taken by surprise by a woman's voice.

"sir.."

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**Fuck I'm bad at cliffhangers.. So sorry this story is so bad. I have literally (You probably read that like Dan say's it because it's the only way!) no idea where this story is going. I'm starting to really hate it so far. Hopefully you still like it and leave reviews of what I can do to make it better. Thanks for reading anyway :]**


	5. I'm not okay

"Sir.."

I looked up to see a small woman nurse in blue scrubs holding a clipboard in one arm. A lump had quickly formed in my throat as she stood there with an unreadable look in her eyes. _Please say Phil's okay.. _

"about your friend.." She started her sentence. So many thoughts filled my head.. _Is this the end? Please say he's alright.._ _Please._ I started to think what life would be like without Phil in it.. _I would have to play video games without him by my side, Procrastinate without him, Make videos without him, There'd be no more Phil is not on fire videos, I would be the one having to comfort the phandom even though I would be lost and be the one in need of comforting.._ All these thoughts were making it hard for me to breath. My heart started to thud faster and faster until it felt like it was going to break out of my skin and come out. I broke out in beads of sweat quicker then it took me to work out how to breathe once again. _Wha__t'__s happening? _I started to feel as if I lost all control. I tried desperately to control my thoughts and breathe normally. I felt the nurses hand grip my shoulder trying to calm me down as she passed me a small paper bag that she told me to breathe into. This helped my breathing return to a normal speed.

"w..wha.. what happened" I stuttered on my words, confused and afraid.

"You were just having a panic attack" the nurse said to me. I used to have these all the time in my teenage years but I thought I was over them now.. I thought I'd grown out of them. Despite having many near death experiences that was honestly one of the scariest things I've ever been through.

"Anyway, about your friend" I could feel another attack coming and the nurse noticed this and pointing her head towards the bag in my hand. I noticed what she was signalling and I took the bag and placed it over my mouth, concentrating only on breathing.

"Luckily you caught him early and he had only swallowed Paracetamol. We managed to pump his stomach and he is in the hospital bed resting"

I moved the bag away from my face and asked "So.. He's going to be okay?"

"For now, yes."

"What do you mean, for now?" I asked her. _What did she mean?  
_

"Well.. This is the scary reality of it. He could have problems further down the line."

"Problems.. What do you mean?"

"It's nothing to worry about at the moment. Trust me, most people don't have any problems till at least 5 years down the line"

"But what then? What happens when those 5 years come"

"Well, if caught early then we can sort out most of the problems"

"You keep saying most.. How many problems can you sort out? How many people have problems earlier then 5 years down the line?"

"You're asking a lot of questions of which I don't have the answers to.. I'm so sorry sir."

"I'm sorry.. I'm just worrying. Can I see him?"

"Of course but he is sleeping at the moment."

"I just want to see him, so I know he's okay."

"Alright, I'll leave you alone with him then. He's just down the hall and second door to the right"

"okay, thank you so much! Thanks for everything!"

"It's fine sir.. It's our job."

I walked up the corridor and found the second door down. Looking into the small window on the door so I knew if it was the right room or not. Looking in I saw a very tired looking Phil.

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**This Chapter isn't really finished but I figured I could just leave it like it is for now and update my next chapter tomorrow. Also thank you all so much for all the reviews! Means a lot. :]**


	6. Is this the end?

**WARNING: Chapter may be very dramatic.. Eh, I'm a drama llama. Deal with it. I'm kidding but it may be slightly disconcerting in places. Thanks for all the support on the story. Love you so much! And again, sorry if I upset anyone with this chapter. This story is definitely not turning out to be what I wanted it to be.. I really had no idea it was going to take such a different twist but once it did I thought it may be some kind of opportunity to see if I'm any good at writing things with suspense and drama. It was incredibly hard for me to bring myself to putting this up and I felt very unsettled just writing it.**

* * *

I started walking into the room. Phil lay in the hospital bed so still. The only kind of movement from him was his gentle breathing.. _I was so glad he was still breathing. But why? Why had he done this to himself?_ I clutched onto his hand and was just grateful he was still here and didn't die before I could tell him my true feelings towards him. We sat in silence for what seemed to be forever and then I heard a knock on the door to the room.

"Hey, mate I've been looking everywhere for you!" Chris came walking towards me holding two cups of coffee, one cold and one half empty was about to pass one to me but I denied it. I wasn't that thirsty. "I've called PJ and he said he's going to be here as soon as he can" I nodded at his sentence, not saying anything because I didn't want to awake Phil from his sleep. _He was so beautiful in his sleep.. He was beautiful all the time._ Chris had pulled a chair from the other side of the room over to the side of the bed.

"It's going to be okay you know! Phil's strong. He can get through this." Chris said, putting his arm around me to pull me into a hug.

We sat there for a while waiting for PJ when a piercing sound echoed though the room. Very quickly I realised it was the life support machine that had before been only setting off quiet noise's for the duration of Dan being in the room. It was now letting out even more intense sounds that were a lot more frequent then before. After a few of these it let out a similar solid sound. I looked at the monitor and his heart rate had dropped in seconds.

"Help.. Nurse.. Doctor.. ANYONE!" I was howling at the top of my voice. One nurse came in concerned and saw what had happened.

"Can I get some assistance, please!" she called

Doctors and nurses raced into the room and surrounded Phil's body. _I knew exactly what was happening.. He was slipping away, into that sleep he didn't deserve to slip into until he was in his old age. It was now happening at such a young age.. She said he would be okay for a while.. She said he'd be okay._ Pain and fury filled my body as the doctors and nurses muttered upon themselves about what to do. One turned around, me and Chris were stood in the corner of the room giving them space to help Phil.

"Boys, please leave. This may be potentially more upsetting then it needs to be if you see it" _What did that mean? Loosing Phil will be upsetting regardless of whether I was in the room or not._

"Charging.." One of the nurses called as they pulled what looked like a pump over his head and charged a defibrillator. Another, even higher pitched noise came from the defibrillator as it charged. One nurse was performing CPR while another was holding the pump to their face.

"Clear.." the same nurse who was talking to us called and the nurses pulled away from Phil's body momentarily.

"Please.. He's gone into SCA and needs urgent attention"

"W..wha..what's that?" I probably sounded like a complete twat right now.

A different nurse told us "The patient has gone into Cardiac arrest.. Please, Leave."

"Shocking.." then Phil's body jumped up as a charge was being let into his body.

"Dan.. Come on.. Don't make it harder then it already is." Chris was pleading at me, trying to make me exit the room but I wanted to be right there by his side.

"unresponsive.." The nurse who was holding the pump called. _Why? Phil Please.. please.. please._

"The patient is still in VS.. Charging.." The nurse who had previously been talking to us called as she operated the machine.

"Please, leave the room" the nurse said to me. I felt a sign of defeat as I backed out of the room.

"Come on mate, let's get you home. It's been a long day and you could do with a rest" I agreed. I had already been told to leave the room so leaving the hospital was no difference.

The drive home was painfully quiet. The only time he spoke was to tell PJ that there was no need to go to the hospital. Chris parked the car outside our apartment and let me out of the car.

"take care, see you in a few days" I had told him I'd make a video with him on Thursday.

"yeah.. see you then" I said.

I climbed up the stairs and got in. I saw the empty bottle of pills on the floor and felt so bad about leaving him there alone. I put all my weight on the worktop in front of me and sighed in disbelief and pain.. _What has happened today?_ I was about to make some coffee when I saw a razor blade that we had for opening boxes .. I picked it up and started to roll my sleeve up.. Should I? What good will it do? But then again, I have nothing to loose and a lot of people claim it makes them feel better.. Should I?


	7. Regret?

I stared down at the blade with intense concentration. If I did this would it make me a hypocrite? I am constantly telling the Danosaurs not to self harm- that it will get better and that they should stay strong- but I was failing to convince myself of this. They don't understand. They'll never understand..

So I did it.

I cut..

_I cut._

_And It felt.. It felt.._

Horrible.

I didn't forget anything that had happened. It didn't make me feel anything except a sharp stinging sensation. I then looked at it and noticed it was only a scratch. It wasn't even bleeding.. _Maybe if I try again, but harder, I'll feel better?_

Pushing harder on the blade I saw my skin start to break and the blood start to seep out. I then realised something crucial. When I did this, I was in control. Not the doctors. Not the nurses. Me.

Taking the blade I then started to cut again, putting the same (if not, more) amount of pressure on the blade. I was in control.. Anyone who had ever said it makes them feel better was right.. It did. Because for a second_- just a second-_ I was able to forget about Phil and concentrate on something else.

I did it again..

And again..

And again.

This is masking the internal pain I was previously feeling.

Cutting again and again into my arm, I was in control. It was stopping every other emotion I was feeling and making it better.

A countless amount of cuts later I was just about to do another when I was stunned by the phone ringing.._ Is this it? Is this that call where they say he's gone? I know it is.. I can feel it inside of me.. He's gone.. He's gone._

"Hello, Mr Howell?"

"Yes?" I responded, my heart in my mouth.

"We were able to stabilise Mr Lester and he is currently in the hospital bed"

"really? Great. That's amazing to hear!"

"There is one thing.. We have given him lots of medication to help keep him stable so he doesn't go into Cardiac Arrest once again. These medicines can have minor side effects that have seem to be affecting Mr Lester"

"What do you mean, minor side effects?"

"Well one is tiredness, which, may I add, is far more common.."

"What one does Phil have then?"

"He seems to have gone slightly.. What's the word for it? Loopy?"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Trust me Mr Howell, Side effects will only for a maximum of two days.."

"So you mean, he'll be a little crazy.. Crazier then normal."

"Yes"

"Okay.. I'm sure I can deal with that" Thinking about it, I've dealt with Chris for all these years, two days can't be a problem.

I checked my laptop to see what bus I had to get. Picking up my oyster card I placed it in my pocket. I already had my phone and wallet so I just needed my oyster card to get me to the hospital. I walked to the bus stop which wasn't very far and waited with my headphones on, listening to Muse. I finally saw the bus I needed to get and held my arm out in front of it to stop it. I walked onto the bus and scanned my oyster card on the reader. There wasn't many people on the bus and the volume was minimal. I decided to go upstairs instead of staying downstairs because people were starting to give me awkward stares.

I sat on the upper deck scrolling through twitter and responding to tweet, trying not to give anything away. A short while later the stop flashed up.

I walked down the stairs and once I got down I went to press the bell to let me off. I was approaching the stop and getting ready to get off the bus when..

"Oh my God.. You're Danisnotonfire!" _Fuck I hate public transport._ I smiled back at the girl as she approached me.

"Hey." I said to the girl who stood there. She was probably about 16, but only about 4"11 so I must have seemed like some kind of giant to her. She had long hair which she'd dyed bright red and you couldn't see the top half of it from the llama hat she was wearing.

"I love you so much!" she then gave me a really tight hug.

"I really don't mean to sound like a dick but I need to get off soon. You have no idea how sorry I am.." I said to her

"It's okay. I could never be upset at you. Can I at least get a picture?" She asked me. Her eyes looking very sad from my previous sentence but she was still able to smile.

"Sure, why not?" I said as the bus started to slow down. She pulled me close and set he iPhone in front of our faces and I smiled as the shutter went off. She looked at it in disgust.

"ughh.. I look like such I twat. Damn me for being so fat." I instantly felt heartbroken by her word.. None of the Danosaurs should ever feel that way.

"You're beautiful. Never forget that!" I said to her as the bus came to a stop. I gave her a hug before the doors opened.

"I'm so sorry. This is my stop.. Bye. Never forget I love you and you're beautiful!" I said to her, smiling.

"It's okay. Bye!" she smiled at me and I stepped off the bus.

I got into the hospital and went straight to Phil's room. He was sitting upright and didn't look as if he'd gone crazy. He looked normal. I walked in and quickly noticed I had spoke to soon.

"Hey Dan.." He slurred a lot and didn't sound himself at all. "You looking so beautiful today!" He said, Clearly unaware of what he was saying. He then used his finger to show me to come closer to him. I walked up to him cautiously and pulled up the chair beside that I'd previously been sitting in when.. I don't even want to think about it.

"Beautiful, beautiful, Dan. That's who you are!" He started to laugh at himself.

"Phil.. Are you okay?"

"Yeah.. Never been better. Feel like I'm on cloud nine" he slurred. This wasn't like Phil. I'm pretty sure he isn't even like this when drunk.

"And how are you my beautiful man?" He said to me, tapping lightly with his index finger.. _What is going on?_

"I'm good.." I replied, slightly confused and startled.

"Hey.. Beautiful. I have a secret.. I dunno why I kept it from you." he said to me, still slurring in places.

"Okay?"

He pulled me in very close and wrapped his arms around my neck making me shiver. He knows I hate that. He then whispered something in my ear.

"Muse isn't actually my favourite band!"

"You're lying!" I pulled away from him, knowing he was being untruthful.

"I know.. I thought you would judge me if I said my actual secret." he said to me in an innocent, yet still slurred tone.

"We're best friends! How could I ever judge you?"

He pulled me in once again in that same chilling position.

"Hayle isn't real. I made her up to see how you would react. I wanted to see if you love me as much as I love you.."

* * *

**Not much to say today except thanks to my friend Alyx (Allykatt if you found out about this fan fiction from our facebook phan page) for helping me with this chapter when I had extreme writers block and thanks to all you guys for reviewing and following the story. Means a lot and it's what keeps me going with this story that I still don't have much hope with. Also, Thanks so much for 600 views on this story! And, lastly I changed the story from T to M purely because of the twists it was taking..There was more then I thought I needed to say. Anyway, Love you guys! :]  
**


	8. You heard me

"Wha..What?" I choked on my words as they came out of my mouth.

"You heard me beautiful man.." he slurred back

"I.. I know. But, is this all true?"

"I would never lie to you.. Well, I kinda did when I told you I had a girlfriend.. You know what I mean baby!"

At that moment I couldn't hold myself back any longer. I started to move my head closer to his. He noticed this and started to move his closer too._ Dan, He is high on medication.. What are you doing?_ I didn't stop. Maybe this will make him realise every thing he just said is bullshit. Centimetres apart, His hand on my shoulders and mine on his waist, we were so close.. Our lips were just about to crash together when..

"Phil? Dan? What's going on?" I quickly pulled away from his body. I looked so guilty as Phil just smiled back at the person in the doorway.

"Hi mum!" Phil said, in an excited tone. "Did you see that? I was about to kiss the man I love! Isn't it great!"

"Um.. Is he okay?" Phil's Mum stared at me, not caring so much about what we were previously doing, but worrying about how her son had gone from being innocent to crazy in the space of her seeing him when she came to our flat about 3 weeks ago.

"He.. Um. He's high on medication." The words came out of my mouth before I could think. _Great going Dan.. Now she's gonna think you're using him while he's medicated._

"Um.. I'm gonna.. Uhh.. Go." I mumbled this to her before pushing through the door and running to the toilet to hide. That was one of the most embarrassing things I've ever been through.

I got to the toilet and ran to the cubical so no one could see me. Folding down the seat I sat on it and put my head in my hands_. Why am I such a failure in this world._ _Damn.. I really need that razor right now_. I looked through my pockets desperately for something I could cut with but found nothing except a key which I knew wouldn't break the skin. I stepped out the cubical after about 20 minutes of sitting in shame. I went back to the room to set things straight with Phil's Mum. She needs to know the truth.

I reached the room and she stared at me once again but not a look of hatred, which is what I was expecting. She gave me a look I couldn't even read.

"Mrs Lester, It's not what it looked like. I.. He told-"

"I know.. He told me in a lot of detail for that matter"

"Beautiful! You're back" He was slurring more then ever now.

"Oh yeah.. Dan. I've been meaning to talk to you about something." His Mum now had a very stern tone and she was folding her arms staring up at me.

"Yeah?" I said with confusion.

"Can you please stop making jokes about me on your videos. It's starting to get really annoying" She replied in a jokey manor, trying to lighten the tone. I laughed back at her and as I noticed Phil had fallen asleep once again.

"Anyway, your friend Chris told me he overdosed. Why would he be put on more medicine?"

"Oh, because he went into cardiac arrest and this is to prevent it from happening again"

"Ahh.. At least he's okay now. Well, to an extent."

"yeah, He's doing.. Well."

"Anyway, It was lovely seeing you two again. We can forget what happened earlier. I will see you sometime in the future. Sorry I have to leave so soon. I've got a early start tomorrow and it's a 3 hour drive back" She said, as she started to exit the room.

"Okay.. bye!" I smiled at her as she turned around to face me.

"Bye" She then walked out of the room and I turned back to see Phil who was still asleep. Checking my phone I noticed it was almost 8:30pm. Visiting time closes at 9pm so I'll probably have to leave soon.. But I don't want to leave him. Not after earlier anyway. I sat staring for the half an hour I had with Phil until I felt a tap on my shoulder.

"Sir.. Visiting time is over. Can you please leave?" A nurse said to me in the politest way possible.

"Oh yeah.. Sure."

I got home and as I started to take my coat of I felt a sting on my arm from where I had cut it. What if I did it again? Would it hurt less? Would it hurt more? I started to crave it more and more. I found the blade I had left on the kitchen counter. Moving to my bed room I sat on my bed and started to cut into my arms once again.. Why was I doing this?

After about an hour I decided if I went to bed earlier then I could see Phil as soon as visiting time started at 9am. I went to bed without dinner that night because all I could think about was seeing his face once again.

*the next morning*

I got up feeling very happy but then without Phil there I was brought to a realisation of what had happened the day before. I knew I had to get to the hospital as fast as possible. There wasn't time to hesitate. I got dressed as fast as possible and left my hair unstraightened and so it was slightly wavy. I grabbed my phone and oyster card and made my way down to the hospital.

Once I got to the hospital OI made my way straight to Phil's room. When I got there I was met by a nurse as Phil was still sleeping.

"Hey. I have good news about Mr Lester"

"Really? What's the news?"

"That he is ready to be discharged tomorrow"

"Great! What time?"

"Around 7-8pm.. We need to obviously keep him in for a little while longer. Also he woke up in the middle of the night and the side effects had worn off.. He's back to normal now!" _shame.. I was starting to like medicated Phil._

"Great.. That's amazing!" I responded to her so she wouldn't think I was crazy too.

"Anyway. He should wake up soon. I'll give you some time alone."

I looked down at Phil, who looked so much healthier then the day before. He was smiling in his sleep and his skin had returned to it's normal colour. After a few minutes his eyelids fluttered open and he was still left smiling.

"Oh, hey. You're here early!" The nurse was right, he had returned to his normal self.

"Yeah, I got here early to see you."

"Oh, okay. So how did you sleep?"

"Not well.. I spent the whole night worrying. You?"

"It's okay now!" He gave me a reassuring smile "and I had a pretty good sleep from the medicine"

"Um.. Phil. Can ask you something?"

"Yeah, sure." He replied, totally unaware of what I was going to say next.

"Were the things you said to me yesterday true?" I asked in awkward tone. I didn't want to bring it up but I hadn't stopped thinking about it all night.

"What did I say?"

"Um.. Never mind."

"You have to tell me now!"

"Um.. Well. One of the things you said was that Hayle wasn't real.." I said awkwardly as his eyes widened.

"Um.. Will you judge me if it was true?"

"no.. Because the other thing made me forget that."

"What was the other thing I said?"

"That you love me.."

His cheeks went a bright pink and he went quiet for a while.

"Is it true Phil?" I asked him a little more sternly.

I saw him swallow a lump in his throat. "um.. Yes.." He went even more pink at the cheeks but I just pulled him into a hug.

"What's this for?" Phil asked me, slightly startled.

"I love you too.." I said as I gripped a bit firmer. He didn't say a word and just snuggled his head into my chest. We fit together perfectly. As we pulled away from the hug he was smiling more then I have ever seen. I mirrored the smile but this time for the right reasons.

"You know, there was something else that happened yesterday while you were medicated."

"Please say it's not embarrassing.."

"Not in the slightest.."

"Okay, what is it then?"

I then pull him close to me, our faces almost touching and my hands placed gently on his waist while his had found a place around my neck.

"Do you want me to show you?" I whispered to him. He swallowed a lump that had formed in his throat and innocently nodded, unable to get any words out. Our lips then met. My hands wrapped tighter around his waist as the kiss deepened. After around 3 or 4 minutes our lips parted and we both smiled back at each other as Phil pulled me down into another kiss. I never wanted this moment to end.

* * *

**Hey guys! Sorry I haven't updated in a while. I've been busy with the Keep Holding on Project (Link on how you can take part on my profile) and I haven't really had time to update my fanfiction. Thanks to my friend Camrin for giving me the idea of introducing Phil's Mum (I had writer's block again. Her account is havenolife957 if you want to check out her stories). Thanks to everyone who is reading this and took the time to review and follow and even favourite the story. Reviews are what keep me going with this story that I had little hope with once it started taking the twists I never expected it to. Thanks. Love you all lots :)**


	9. Just one video

Obviously all great things have to come to an end. Phil moved his head away from mine and kept his hand on my cheek.

"You should go home and get some rest.." he said to me softly.

"No.. It's fine. I'll stay here with you."

"Please Dan.. You look shattered. Just go home and rest for me. Please" he pouted as I managed to smile a little more then I already was.

"Okay.. I'll be back to see you later though."

"Oh yeah, Dan. Before you leave can you just agree with me on one thing"

"Um.. Sure?"

"Don't tell the Phandom until we're back to normal.. Things have been pretty hectic the past few days and I want to get back to normal before telling them."

"We don't have to tell them for a while.. It's none of their business at the moment.. We can tell them when we're ready"

"Yeah. Well I'm glad you agree."

"I'll see you later" I then leaned down to give him a peck on the cheek to show him I'd be back later.

"Bye."

I made my way back to the flat and went to my laptop. I opened up a facebook tab as I was going to update my page to say why there wasn't a new video when I saw I had some messages. Nine messages to be precise.

Four of them were from a guy called Jack Wilson.. Where have I heard that name from. Oh fuck.. Mr Blurry Face? What does he want?

'Oi.. I saw your video about me.' That was made months ago.. How did he find it?

'what kind of dickhead do you think you are?'

'I have to admit, It was pretty funny! But not half as funny as what I have planned to do to you..' Oh shit.

"I'm warning you mate. I'm after you. Oh, By the way #winning"

Well my life is fucked.

I had another one from Bryony.

"Hey. I need to warn you about something.. Your little friend has gone through your entire friend list finding people he can message for back up in some fight against you. I got a message earlier on saying to meet him outside the BBC broadcasting center where you do the radio show at 8:45pm on Sunday with weapons because he wants to attack you after your show." Oh shit.. this is serious.

I had one from a guy I didn't even know called Rob Johnson.

"Good luck.. Seriously, We're gonna destroy you!"

I had another one from a girl called Daisy Lechello. Wasn't that one of my ex girlfriends?

"Hey, mate. Sorry I haven't talked to you in about 3 years. If you remember that guy Jack from sixth form, he practically wants to kill you. He sent a message to me earlier saying how everyone should meet him outside the BBC broadcasting house before you finish your radio show so he can beat the shit out of you.. I have no idea what to do. I'm so sorry!"

And another from a guy called Brandon Peters who always used to bully me in school.

"Good luck bruv.. You'll need it."

This can't be happening.. What the fuck am I going to do? I can't attack someone back.. I can't just not turn up to do the radio show. So I decided instead to do the thing I'd done yesterday.. It helped yesterday, it won't be any different today. Tears came down as I dug into my arm once again. Why is this happening to me? It was one video.. Just one video. I heard that message sound that I was now dreading.

It was from PJ.

"Hey.. There is some guy planning to beat you up after your radio show next week. I don't know what to do.. He said if I don't help him out he'll find my house and burn it down.. What am I going to do?"

Now he's threatening people to beat me up.. Why is this happening to me? One video was all it took.. Just one video that's months old now. Just one video. I was too numb inside to reply to any of the messages.. I just stared at the screen through some tears. I wish I had Phil here.. He always tells me things will be okay.. I am finding it impossible to convince myself it will be.

After covering my arm over I walked to the hospital.. I need to see Phil. I didn't want to get the bus because walking helped clear my head in some weird way. I walked up to the hospital with my headphones on, listening to muse and having so many thoughts flying through my head. How did he see that video? Why did he take it so seriously? Why would he go through my friend list to find people that would be willing to beat me up? I reached the hospital and found Phil's room once again.

"Hey Dan, I told you to rest.."

"I know" I choked out

"Have you been crying?"

"Ye.. Yeah."

"Why? What's wrong?"

"Um.. I uh.." I got my iPhone out and opened facebook messenger to show him the messages. He stared down at the phone with tears in his eyes.

"It's okay.. He can't do much.. If it makes you feel better we could say I fell ill and show one of the pre recorded shows we have made for emergencies"

"No.. That will just show him I'm weak"

"So you're going to fight?"

"No.. It's not like me to fight. I'll try and talk to him and then take whatever punishment he decides to throw at me"

"But you don't deserve a punishment.. It could of been worse. You could of just left it so everyone could see who he was so he gets harassed by teenage girls telling him that he's an idiot"

"I wish I would of done that.."

He threw his arms around me and pulled me close to show that he will protect me. I have no idea what I'm going to do. Just one video caused all this.. Just one video..


	10. I'll protect you!

I held Phil in my arms, terrifed to let go. His arms laced around my waist and I had started crying one again.

"shhh.. It's gonna be okay." Phil hushed as he bought one hand up to the back of my head and pulled me in a little closer. I just let my tears fall. It's okay to cry sometimes and these past few days have been the worst I've expierianced in the whole 21 years of being here and I was bullied a lot in school.

"Don't worry.. This guy won't hurt you.. I won't let him" He started to twist his fingers gently in my hair in an attempt to calm me down.

"Dan.. What's that?" I pulled away. I had no idea what he was talking about.

"Wha.. What?" His eyes started to move in the direction of my arm. I noticed that my sleeve had rolled up when I put my arms around Phil. Shit.

"How.. Did you.." He was only getting out every other word. He seemed so hurt.

"Phil.. It's not what it looks like."

He gave me a really disappointed look and I felt so ashamed.. I didn't think I would hurt anyone by doing this.. It felt like the right thing to do.

"Why, Dan?"

"It.. I.. I couldn't cope knowing you could of been dying and I was just at home, pretending everything would be okay."

"Wait.. What do you mean?"

"Chris drove me home as soon as you went into cardiac arrest and I couldn't cope not being by your side.."

"So.. It's my fault?" His tone grew weak and he sounded as if he was going to cry.

"No.. Of course not. It was me controlling the blade.. No one could of stopped me."

"I guess I can't say much considering I tried to kill myself.."

"Oh yeah, why did you want to end your life?"

"Um.. As stupid as it sounds, I couldn't cope with the fact you were starting to like Tiffany and I was starting to think about what would happen if you were to marry her and leave home to be with her" Oh fuck.. I forgot about her. I need to tell her things aren't going to work out, but when? How will I do it without offending her?

"I was actually thinking about ending things with her..I can't just kiss you and then go off with some girl. I have always liked you.. That will never change."

We then hugged for an incredibly long time. The next few days passed quicker then expected. Phil got home and things were practically back to normal- Drinking OJ, doing sexy end screen dances and watering the cactus, just one drop at a time. The only thing that was different was that we had started to rest in each others arms while watching TV and we'd often fall asleep on the couch with Phil's head buried deep in my chest and my arm around him tightly. It wasn't hard to hide it from the internet. All we had to do was edit out any accidental gazes into each others eyes when doing videos together. Ending things with Tiffany wasn't that hard and we're still friends. This week has been getting continuously better but I knew what it was leading to and I wasn't to keen on what was going to happen.


	11. The radio show

Me and Phil got to the building where we do the radio show. It was 6:55pm which was late for us but the trains hadn't been running. I had a massive lump in my throat. I know I am pretty much waiting for my death to come.

"Guys.. Why are you so late? We need to set up the studio" Our producer said to us frantically

"It's fine.. We can just put a Delia Smith mask on the screen behind us and they'll be happy" I responded

"Yeah.. We're really sorry. Our train wasn't running and we didn't know so we had to get a bus." Phil said back, trying to give some kind of reasoning as to why we were late.

"Okay. Well just get upstairs quickly.. You're due on in 4 minutes."

"Shit.." I said as me and Phil started racing upstairs. Once we got to the studio we grabbed our notes out of our bags and put them on the desk in front of us and threw our bags into the corner.

We started the show like we always do. By playing the intro and two music videos from fans.

"That was Emergency by Paramore and Bring Me To Life by Evanescence on Radio1. What an amazing way to start the show!" Phil called down into one of the microphone's in front of us.

"It certainly was. But getting here wasn't all that fun was it Phil?" I replied.

"No.. We had to get.." He paused for a second to give an intense look to the camera "The Bus".

"Yeah.. At least we didn't get sneezed on today." I said

"Yeah but we got here four minutes before the show started meaning that this is slightly rushed.. Maybe we should take a request from Sophie to get into the show properly"

"Hello." Phil said.

"Hey! I can't believe I'm talking to you guys! I love you so much!"

"Aww.. We love you too." I said back. She let out an piercing scream as those words came out of her mouth.

"So what have you been up to today?" Phil asked

"Just been playing rock band"

"What instrument do you play on rock band?" I asked, trying to make conversation.

"I do the drums"

"Oh really? What level?"

"Obviously expert!"

"Hardcore.." I said as she started to giggle.

"So what song did you want to hear?" Phil asked her.

"Um.. Can I hear Scar by American Hi-Fi?"

"Of course you can." Phil said.

"Amazing choice by the way." I said to her

"Thank you.. I love you guys!"

"Aww.. Well bye!" Phil responded

"Bye!"

The song started playing as we took off our headphones.

"Phil.. I'm scared."

"It's fine. He was probably just bluffing."

"Why can't I be as strong as you?"

"What do you mean?"

"You overdosed just 6 days ago and now you're already back working.."

"Only because I don't want to seem suspicious around fans.."

"I guess.."

"You'll be fine.. Don't get worried"

The song started to draw to a close as we put our headphones back on.

"Now, we do have fanwars coming up very soon. Do you think we are ready to announce the bands competing this week?" I asked

"I think it's time.." Phil said, in a suspenseful tone.

"The bands competing this week are.. I don't think you're ready for this.." I said

"My face just isn't physically ready.."

"Maybe it will be after another song?"

"Yes.. I think that will help."

We then picked out a fan made music video to the song American idiot.

"And now the internet and radio hate us.." I said.

"Well at least my face is more ready for the grand reveal.."

"So.. this weeks bands are.. I can't believe I'm saying this.. Lazy Town Vs Blink-182"

"I think it might be time for another request, this time from Emma."

"Hey!" Phil said down the microphone

"Hey!"

How are you?" Phil said to the girl in a polite tone.

"I'm okay"

"Okay? Why aren't you amazing?" I asked.

"I've been doing GCSE coursework all weekend and haven't done anything except that.."

"That's dedication. Well good luck with it!" I said to her

" What song would you like to listen to while doing it?" Phil asked

"Can I listen to My songs know what you did in the dark by fall out boy?"

"yes! Anyone you want to dedicate it to?" Phil asked her

"Can I dedicate it to Dan just because of his 1,000,000 subscriber video?" This set me and Phil into fits of laughter.

"Well you just did." Phil got out through some muffled laughs.

"Bye!"

"Bye!"

We kept our headphones on and just wrote things on the board. We then switched to some more music videos and played some amazing songs like na na na by my chemical romance and had some crazy requests from people in the phandom. Lazy Town had won fanwars, which represented many people's childhoods. We had Shane Dawson on In New Internet Vloggers We Trust which enabled us to play superluv on the radio and as a last song a girl called Megan dedicated the song let love bleed red to Phan which was both weird and sweet because we hadn't really told anyone about what was going on but the song gave us an opportunity to link hands under the desk and exchange a loving look, even though we made it look like we were just doing it for comedy. It was one of the best shows yet. Then we got to the end of the show and were about to leave. I almost forgot about that.. We started approaching the glass doors when I saw a massive crowd of people outside, some holding weapons, most not. This could only mean one thing..

* * *

**Pretty easy to tell what songs I was listening to while writing this chapter.. Hope you like this chapter! :D**


	12. Fight!

Stepping out of the building with Phil by my side, I try to act confident and keep strong when inside I felt like my heart was starting to weaken. My heart beat quickened as Jack stepped out of the crowd. I finally stood just there as he came inches to my face.

"What were you fucking playing at?" He spat out at me.

"I..um.. It was one video.. No one knew it was you.."

"You know, Howell. I never did like you in school.. Always a bit of a dick."

"Please explain to me how I was a dick?"

"Always making people feel stupid.. Whether it was you getting better grades or just doing something in your actions to make people around you feel pathetic.."

"So, You went through my entire friends list on facebook to get all my friends to fight me because you were jealous?" He gripped the crowbar he was holding a little tighter.

"I really think you should watch your fucking mouth."

"Well.. You're talking to me.. It would be rude not to answer" I then looked past his shoulder to avoid eye contact any longer and saw Bryony.. She wants to beat me up? Great. She then mouthed something to me 'We have a plan.. Just keep this going as long as you can..'

"Always have something cleaver to say, don't you.. So, Why did you make that video about me?"

"It wasn't about you.. It was about internet memes in general. God, how stupid are you?" Those last words escaped my mouth before my brain could allow them to.

"I've had enough of you.. See you in hell, cunt." A lump formed in my throat as I backed away from Jack, so far I almost bumped into Phil. Jack started to raise his crowbar. "Thank me later.." Phil whispered.. What is he talking about? Before I let my thoughts wonder too far I was brought to a realisation of what was about to happen. "Get 'im" the man called as he charged at me with his crowbar.

I started to cower away until I saw a hand grab onto Jack's arm. Jack had spun around and PJ's fist connected with his face. He slid back on the ground and hit the wall. Chris walked over and grabbed the crow bar from the ground and started to pat it in his hands. PJ then walked over and grabbed hold of him.

"What you doin'? Let me go!"

Everyone gathered around him and then PJ pushed him up against the wall.

"What's wrong with you.. I asked for backup, not to get beaten up by various youtubers and people who haven't had contact with that dickhead in years."

"No one just watches as their friend get's beaten.. You should know that by now" Chris said as he smirked at Jack.

He managed to struggle free and next thing I know he is charging at me with his fist in the air, too fast for anyone to stop him. Phil jumped out in front of me arms fully spread trying to stop him from punching me. Jack's spead decreased rapidly as he noticed Phil in front of me but it was too late. He punched Phil in the nose and Phil was now laying on the ground.

"Phil!" I called as Jack stepped back, covering his mouth in shock.

"I'm fine." He said, wiping blood from his nose.

"Tilt your head forward and pinch the soft bit.. People always say to tilt it back but this just makes the blood go down your throat." I said. Phil did as I said and PJ managed to get Jack back in his grasp.

"What do you want from me?"

"Apologise to Dan for aranging this 'fight' and to Phil for punching him. Oh, and don't bother any of us again." Bryony said in a demanding tone. Jack shook his head and Chris punched him right in the stomach. A gasp came out of his mouth as he looked at the ground then sighed in defeat and pain. PJ let go of him but kept close. He stepped in front of me and then went to go after Chris.. I had no idea what he thought he'd achieve from doing this. PJ's arm grabbed hold of Jack firmly and he chuckled while gripping onto him and holding him in front of me. "I don't think so.." He had a slightly amused tone to his voice "Apologise.." his tone was a bit more stern now.

"I'm...I'm.. I'm sorry, Dan. Can you forgive me?"

"I dont... I dont know.." He looked at me terrified.

"I really am sorry! Please forgive me!"

"Okay.. Just NEVER bother me or my friends again, and when you see a video don't immediately think it's aimed at you."

"Yes sir..." PJ let him go and he looked down at the ground"

"And apologise to Phil." I said.

"I'm sorry, Phil. I didn't mean to punch you." by this point he looked like a little kid who had just gotten into a fight in the playground.

"I know, but you still wanted to inflict pain upon Dan so I have no idea why I should forgive you" Phil said back to him.

"I really am sorry.."

"I know.."

"Well... Anyway.. I'm gonna go back home now.. Before my mum knows I'm gone... She hates me being out past 10.. Thinks I'm drinking if I get back too late..."

"You still live with your mum?" He nodded as the entire crowd started to giggle I looked at the ground trying not to let my laughter escape but a few muffled laughs still managed to get out.

"Well... Bye..." I said back to him, through laughs, Not looking up because I was so scared if I did I would start to cry of laughter.

A few other friends of mine that I had from Wokingham got the same train back with him. A few others got other trains in other directions and soon the entire area was clear. Just me and Phil.

"What the hell was that?" I asked Phil, who had now stopped his nose from bleeding and was wiping the blood on his jeans.

"I went through your friends list messaging the plan to everyone.. They all said they'd turn against Jack to defend you."

"Why didn't you tell me.. I have been petrified for the past 5 days."

"I'm sorry.. I only thought of the plan on Wednesday when I got home and people were still replying this morning so I didn't know when a good time was to tell you"

"How can I ever repay you for this?" I asked in a thankful tone, moving slightly closer to his face.

"Well.." He pouted. I giggled at his innocence and gave him a small peck on the lips. We started to walk away from the scene as I linked hands tightly with his. We made our way to the same place we always do after the show and got hot chocolate. I only took my hand from his to go through the ticket barrier. We got on the train that for some reason had started running again and noticed we had an empty carriage on the train. I saw this as an opportunity to cuddle up to Phil so I placed my head on Phil's shoulder and he put an arm around me.

"I told you I'll protect you.." He whispered in my ear as I moved my head a little more into his chest.

"I know.. Thanks for being my brave little lion."I whispered back at him as he moved his arm further around me.

* * *

**Thanks to my friend Camrin (Havenolife957 on this site) for helping rewrite the fight scene.. It would not be half as interesting if it wasn't for her! Also, thanks for all the reviews.. They are honestly what are keeping me going with this! :3**


	13. My Little Phillion

We got back to the flat about 1 hour later.

"Should I get dinner?" Phil asked.

"No, I bought some ready meals from tesco during the week.. They're in the freezer" I replyed to him. He walked over to the freezer as I sat on the couch and grabbed my laptop that I had left on charge. I heard some rummaging in the kitchen as Phil put the meals in the oven.

"They should be ready in about 15 minutes." he called over as he made his way to his room to get his laptop too. He came back out with his mac. Sitting down beside me I noticed he still had some blood on his face from where his nose bled earlier. I went to the bathroom and came out with some baby wipes that we kept to remove the cat whiskers from our face's in the occasion that we'd do a Phil is not on fire video.

"Come here. You've still got a little blood on your face" I said softly as he tilted his head upwards, letting me cleanse his face.

"Thanks.." He said back.

"You were really brave you know." I said as I dispossed the wipe and I returned back to Phil's side.

"I just did what anyone else would do.."

"But you didn't have to. You could of let me take the punch"

"How could I? It would of been more pain watching you get hurt, knowing there was something I could of done then actually getting hurt to protect you. And I did promise I wouldn't let you get hurt."

"Where would I be without you?" I said to him, our eyes unable to part from each other's. Our heads moved slightly closer to each others as Phil spoke once again "Where would I be without you?" our lips met each others softly as we moved in time with each other. I leaned Phil on his back as the kiss deepened. I arched myself over him, using one arm to keep myself up as our free hands wrapped around each other. Our lips parted as I trailed kisses down his face as I slowly found his neck. I then started to nibble as Phil let a small moan out. We were then interupted by the sound of the oven's timer. I groaned as Phil got up to get the ready meals out of the oven and put them onto plates. Phil then brought in two plates with lasange on them and passed one to me.

"Thanks!"

"It's alright."

"What do you wanna do when we've finished up with dinner?"

"Adventure time marathon?" He said in an innocent tone and I smiled at him.

"Okay!"

"This week has been pretty crazy.."

"Yeah, it has." I said, taking another bite of the meal on my plate. "I'm just happy that things have gone the way they have.. You survived, I didn't get beaten to shit, Tiffany didn't murder me for ending things with her so early.."

"Yeah.. I'm glad you're alright and that's Jack's plan failed miserably. I would be lost if anything happen to you. Most of all, I'm happy that I mumbled all those things in my medicated state.. Who knows how things could of gone."

We finished our dinner and had changed into sweatpants because I could almost gurantee we were gonna fall asleep on the sofa and Phil still had blood smeared on his jeans. I switched on the tv and found adventure time and then sat down beside a now, very sleepy Phil.

"You sure you wanna watch this tonight? You seem a bit warn out." I asked him softly putting my arm around his back.

"No.. I want to spend time with you.."

"Phil.. It's fine. We always have tomorrow."

"But I want to be with you now." he said. Letting out a very load yawn after.

"Phil.. You're clearly shattered. We don't have to watch adventure time tonight."

"Okay.. I'll go to bed. But.." he looked down at the floor as he started to grow a little pink at the cheeks.

"But, what?"

"But.. Can you not leave me alone?"

I smiled at him as I helped him to his room. Getting into the bed he lay down on one side and looked at me straight in the eyes as he pulled the cover over us.

"Dan.. Please don't leave me here alone." Phil said in a somewhat scared tone.. but scared of what?

"Of course I won't!" I gripped tightly around Phil's waist as he smiled.

"Good.. I am scared ..of loosing you.."

"Well, don't be. I'm still here."

Our lips molded together as we kissed eachother goodnight.

"I love you, Phil."

"I love you too, Dan"

He burried his head into my chest and I wrapped my arms around him tightly. As I felt his eyes flutter shut and breathing slow down ever so slightly as he relaxed he began to grow a little heavier. I knew he was asleep now.

"Good night my little Phillion. Sleep well.. You deserve it." I whispered to him in a loving tone. He had a light smile on his adorable face while he slept in my arms. I could tell this moment is going to be one of many.


	14. KickTheStickz?

My eyes opened as the mid-morning sunlight shined brightly in my eyes. What time is it? I pulled my phone from next to me and switched it on. 10:48am. I then noticed Phil wasn't by my side either.

"Oh.. I didn't realise you were awake." Phil said to me as he looked at me from the doorway of the room.

"Yeah.. I just woke up." He came up to me and kissed my forehead.

"Thanks for not leaving me.."

"It's okay.. You wanna do that Adventure Time marathon now?" the smile on his face widened a lot more.

"Yeah.. Of course.. I'm also making toast and eggs for breakfast.. I wanted to wait for you to wake up naturally because if I woke you up you would be moody all day"

"Ahh.. Wise decision."

He gave me a small peck on my lips as I smiled a lot more then I already was.

"Come on.. We can't spend all day in here!" Phil said, clearly wanting to watch adventure time.

"We can if we want to.."

"Tempting as that is, I wanna take things slowly with you.. I've rushed into things in the past and it hasn't turned out well"

"I know.. I want to too. And, I just wanted to make you laugh."

"Why?"

"Your laugh makes me happy" I smiled at him "Oh God.. That has to be one of the cheesiest things I've ever said" he started giggling with his hand over his mouth. Still haven't worked out why he does that but it's adorable so I don't care. We got up off the bed and made our way to the kitchen.

"How do you want your eggs?" Phil asked me.

"You don't have to make me breakfast Phil."

"It's the least I can do."

"For what?"

"You stayed with me.."

"I never break promises"

"And for that, I am making you breakfast."

"okay.. I don't mind how the eggs are cooked."

I walked to the couch and went to facebook. A few status' on my timeline were about how we all kicked Jack's ass. There was one from Jack himself about the fight.

'Word of warning: Never arrange a fight with Dan Howell.. He has such loyal friends that are likely to tear you apart to protect their friend' I felt a small smile appear on my face as I remembered the events from the night before.. I am so grateful to have all those people in my life.

"What are you smiling about?" Phil asked as he brought two plates in that were stacked high with scrambled eggs and toast.

"Just remembering what happened last night."

"What part? The fight or what happened when we got back?"

"I was thinking about the fight and, I never want to stop thinking about what happened when we got back."

"Me neither.. It was.. I don't really know a word to articulate how it was."

"Well.. People always did say actions speak louder then words"

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"What do you think?"

And with that our faces edged closer and closer together. The kiss was gentle at first but then started to become more passionate. I started to pull at the bottom of Phil's shirt as we pulled away for no longer then a second. I took the shirt off as I placed my hands around his waist. Our timing was perfect because right at that moment PJ walked in. I regret giving him that key..

"Oh... Um.. I uhh.. I.. So... Um.. I gotta go" He stood in shock just staring at us as he backed out of the room.

"Wait. Peej.. It's not what it looks like." Phil called.

"Really? Because it looks like you were just about to have sex with your best friend." he said in a somewhat stubborn tone.

"Look.. PJ. We're so much more then best friends. We've been secretly in love for years but only known it for the matter of a week." I said to him, trying to explain that this wasn't just a one time thing.

"So.. You've been together for a week?"

"Yes.. Well, 6 days. But I love him more then I've loved anyone in my life." I said.

"And I love him.. Can you just try and keep it a secret?" Phil said.

"Okay.. Can I tell Chris though?"

"Sure. Just, none of the fans. We want to keep it from them just a little longer so we can find the right time to tell them" Phil replied.

"My lips are sealed. So... I better be going.. I just came over to get sugar for my breakfast"

"Um... You said you hate sugar on your breakfast cereal"

"Alright Sherlock Holmes.. It's actually for Chris.. I better go.."

"Wait.. "

"Bye."

"What's Chris doing at your house so early?" and with that PJ left, quickly slamming the door behind him.

"Well.. That was awkward." I said to Phil, slightly confused about what just happened.

"Yeah.. you think somethings going on between them?"

"I wouldn't be surprised.."

"Hmm.. Adventure time now?" I laughed at him as we made our way to the sofa.


	15. Is this really happening?

The next few months has gone by quicker then expected. We've spent the whole time procrastinating, cuddling and hiding all of this from the internet. I still don't know if Phil knows how grateful I am for taking me to a doctor roughly a week after the fight because he was still worried about me harming. Even though it resulted in 12 weeks of counselling, which I finished yesterday, I am now so much happier then I was. PJ told Chris about me and Phil last Tuesday and he was happy for us but annoyed PJ didn't tell him sooner. Last Friday they finally told us they were together (even though we kind of already knew) and now life couldn't be any better. Which brings us to today..

"Hey, Dan.." I heard Phil's amazing voice call to me from the doorway as I sat on my bed and finished scribbling the last of my thoughts down "You keep a diary?" He said to me in a jokey way. I closed the entry and looked at him innocently.

"Yeah, The counselor said if I kept a diary stating all my feelings then it might be a way to get everything out other then hurting myself. I write in it every week just because it's a nice way to reflect over everything and then also if I have thoughts of harming." I said to him.

"Oh.. That makes sense. Please tell me you're just reflecting over the week now.." he said to me, in an almost plead.

"Yeah, I am."

"Good." he walked up to my bed and threw his arms around me and gave me a small peck on the lips "I'm so proud of you!" ..he's been saying this to me a lot recently but I don't care because just before he say's it, he kisses me.

"So, what time did you wake up?" He said to me as I put the diary on the draw beside me.

"Um.. About 20 minutes ago.. We fell asleep on the sofa again and I didn't want to wake you."

"Oh, okay. We've really got to stop doing that."

"Doing what?"

"Watching TV or watching a film and then falling asleep halfway through."

"Yeah, I dunno if we've actually watched the whole of one film in months now.."

"We could watch one later?"

"Yeah, okay. At a more sensible time of the day?"

"Yeah, good idea."

"Anyway, do you want some breakfast?"

"Yeah.. Sure. County crisps?"

"Of course."

We laughed as Phil walked to the kitchen and I followed closely behind. I grabbed the box of cereal and a bowl from the cupboard and started to pour some into the bowl. I then felt Phil's hands place around my waist from behind and his head rest on my shoulder.

"Hey I was just thinking about something" he said as I grabbed onto his hands that were still on my waist.

"Yeah, what is it?"

"Do you think we're ready to tell our parents yet?"

"Um.. Maybe." I said as I turned my body around so I was facing Phil and placed my hands on his waist like he had done to me previously.

"Dan, I want you to be sure about this. I really don't want you to think we're rushing into things." I planted a long kiss on his forehead.

"If it would make you happy, then I couldn't be more ready to tell them.." a small smile appeared on his face as he rested his head on my shoulder and I put my arms further around his waist.

"So.. Who do we tell first?"

"Well, you're Mum kind of already knows."

"What? How? Did you tell her?" He said as he backed away from me a little but still kept his hands to my waist.

"Yeah.. You kind of told her how much you loved me while you were high on medication a few months back" he laughed at his medicated self and then went back to the position he was in a few moments ago.

"Oh.. So should we tell them first?"

"I think it might be easier that way."

"Okay.. How are we gonna go about this?"

"Invite them for dinner?"

"Great idea. When?"

"Well, we could invite your parents on Friday and invite mine on Saturday?"

"Okay.. Are we really going to do this?" he said to me burying his head into my neck a little more.

"Looks like it.." I said, gripping tighter.

"I love you so much, Dan." he said, moving his head even further into my shoulder and gripping the back of my shirt so he could get as close as humanly possible.

"I love you more." I said kissing the top of his head once again.

"Not possible.." he said still trying to get closer but failing because we were already as close as two people could be.

"Of course it is.." I said, pouting. Our eyes met as he start to move his face slightly closer to mine. He kissed me on the lips gently putting his hand on the back of my head as we both smiled into the kiss. After a few minutes he pulled away but still kept his face very close and rested his forehead against mine.

"Is that enough proof?" he whispered to me. 


	16. What's wrong?

*Friday- 10:36am*

"Dan!" I was woken from my slumber by Phil's voice. He sounded as if he was panicking.

"What's wrong?" my words didn't come out as loudly as I thought they would because of how tired I was. I coughed a couple of times and repeated myself.

"What's wrong? My parents are coming tonight and we're no where near ready!" He said in a quick jumble.

"It's fine. We have plenty of time. Calm down." I put my hands to his hips and pulled him into an embrace to make him less worried.

"You sure?"

"I'm positive. I'll help you make the dinner if you want."

"Thanks, but, you can't cook." He teased.

"I can! I make some amazing Delia Smith pancakes!"

"Well, I got a Delia Smith recipe to follow because I know how much you love her."

"You know me so well.. To be honest, if we weren't together, I'd have Delia in my bed!" I joked.

"As if Delia would agree to that.."

"Oh, Delia plays hard to get.." we both laughed and then made our way to the kitchen.

"You wanna make a video out of it?" he said to me.

"What, of us making Spaghetti?"

"No.. I mean, we still have to make dessert as well and making a video about it may take our minds off the fact that my parents are coming tonight."

"You have a point.. Okay. Let's film it then."

We got changed and got everything we needed for filming and all the ingredients we needed. After setting up I stood to the side to let Phil introduce the video.

"Hey guys! I know it's not actually any kind of occasion for a cooking video but I am making this video with reason. My parents are coming tonight. So I decided that because they're coming, I might as well make a video out of it and show you how to make the dessert. But, of course, like all great cooking videos, I couldn't do this without my beautiful assistant." I knew this was my que so I did a funny dance into the view of the camera lens while singing 'Hey Big Spender' by Shirley Bassey which even made Phil laugh.

"Yes. Today we're going to be making.." I paused and looked at the camera " chocolate fudge cake" Me and Phil both opened our arms to the camera and I could tell this would be where an explosion sound effect would be edited in.

"But not just any chocolate fudge cake, We're going to be making a Delia smith chocolate fudge cake!"

"Del-De-Delia Smith?" I clutched my heart and started to hyperventilate.

"Yes."

"I-I'm sorry.."

"Do you need a minute?" Phil said sarcastically.

"Ye-yeah. I'll be fine soon." Phil patted my shoulder a couple of times and then looked back at the camera.

"Okay, Well, While Dan fanboys over his stunning soul mate, I think we should start by weighing flour. Then you need to measure one teaspoon of flour and one teaspoon of cocoa powder and put it into a bowl." Phil started to do that as I did a random dance next to him, not giving as much help as I could be giving. "The next thing you do is break four eggs. Dan will not Chris Brown them."

"Oh, won't I?" I said in a sassy tone.

"No. Unless you want to clean up the mess."

"Ain't nobody got time for that!"

And with that we got to whisking, folding and all sorts of other things. We were finally ready to put it in the oven after about an hour of preparation.

"You want to put it in the oven for roughly half an hour until the it is springy in the centre" Phil said to the camera as I danced, once again, behind him. We did a small montage of things to do while it was in the oven. We switched off the camera and sat on the sofa.

"So, what should we do? We have roughly half an hour while the cake is cooking." Phil said as I reached for my laptop.

"We should really clean up, shouldn't we?"

"Seems like a good idea but the house is already fairly clean."

"Yeah, true. Just need to put a few things straight and close any of our cupboards with all our shit in and then we should be fine."

"We could start on the main meal?"

"No point at the moment, Spaghetti is easy to cook and takes little time."

"Okay.. Well I'm gonna take a shower then."

"You want me to help you?" I said as seductively as I could. He just smiled and took my hand in his and guided me to the bathroom.

X

We made sure we were quick in the shower and so fifteen minutes later we were finished in the shower and had gotten dressed as quickly as we could so that we could make it look like we hadn't been in the shower together on the video. I finally finished straightening my hair just in time for the oven's timer to go off. Switching on the camera again we took the dessert out of the oven. We then got to making the fudge filling and then added the finishing touches and finally finished making it.

"I think it looks pretty good" Phil said in a crediting tone.

"Yes. If you ask me it looks pretty sexy." I said in the same tone.

"Is sexy the right word?"

"Of course. But do you know what's sexier?"

"No.. What?"

"Phil's Mum."

"Of course you had to go there."

"I couldn't not."

"anyway, thanks for watching this video guys and there will be a new one up in a couple of weeks."

"Bye!" we both said at the same moment and then did our famous hand hearts to the camera. We turned it off and looked at the time.

"Okay.. It's 6 now.. They'll be here in half an hour.." Phil said nervously

"Right.. We should start main.."

"Dan.." he said, I could sense how worried he was from his tone of voice.

"Yeah?"

"I'm so scared.."

"Why?"

"Because... My parents are finding out about me and you regardless of how the night goes."

"So, we'll make it perfect. I'll start dinner. You just sit down and rest." I said to him before kissing his forehead gently.

"Thanks.. I love you." I pulled him into my arms and started to stroke his back. I know it calms him down when he's worried.

"I love you too. This is going to go well. That's a promise." he walked off to the lounge as I stayed in the kitchen and washed a pan.

I put the large pan that I filled with water on the stove and got a smaller pan and started to fry onions. After the onions were see through I put mince beef into the pan with the onions and waited until it was brown. I then put a mixture of tomato puree, chopped tomatoes and herbs into the pan with the other stuff and mixed it all together. Turning off that ring I then tended to the boiling water and put Spaghetti into it. I then joined Phil on the sofa. He was on his laptop, looking very upset.

"What's wrong?"

"I can't do this anymore.." he muttered, his voice had no strength at all.

"Do what?" I asked in concern. Is he still worried about his parents? Has a hateful comment been left on his video? What ever it is, all I know is that I'm determined to make it all okay.

"This. Any of this. I just can't do it." the words broke my heart and my face clearly showed that.

"What do you mean?" I managed to choke out.

"I.. I don't know how much longer this can go on.." he said to me weakly as tears started to form in my eyes.

"Phil.." I stuttered as a few tears escaped his eyes. Mine shortly followed. 


	17. what's not going to work out?

This is an awful chapter.. sorry. Also, sorry this is a note at the beginning instead of the end of the chapter. I'm writing this on my new tablet and doc manager is weird on here. Also, if anyone gets the IT crowd reference I added towards the end I will love you a little bit more.

* * *

"Dan... I just.."

"What's not going to work out?" I said weakly as Phil turned his head in the direction of the floor to hide the fact he was crying.

"Us.." that one word stung the most.. It felt like one thousand razors had just been thrown at my heart.

"Really? Why?" I stuttered out, no emotion in my tone because I was so hurt.

"Sneaking around.. Keeping it from fans.. They'll find out eventually. When they do a large majority won't like it.."

"Won't like it? What about all of those people who's otp is Phan? All the people who ship Phan? They'll be happy! And if they aren't, well, they're not true fans and they can just fuck off if they don't care about our happiness" I was practically shouting by now.

"But Dan! Our friends.. They thought the idea of Phan was ridiculous. Maybe they're right.."

"Well, That was the past. They'll understand that we're happy with each other if we tell them."

"But-" He was cut off by the knock at the door.

"We'll talk about this later.." he whispered before walking to the door to answer it. To no surprise his Mum and Dad were standing there.

"Hey Mum, hey Dad." He stood forward and gave them both hugs before letting them in.

"Hi, Phil. It's good to see you looking so well" Phil's Mum said with a large smile on her face.

"Where's Martin?" Phil asked.

"Your brother's at work." His Mum said to him as she started to take off her coat.

"Okay." Phil said, smiling as he walked to the lounge. We all followed and sat on the couch.

"Hello Dan. I haven't seen you in a while." his Dad said to me.

"Hey. How was your journey down here?" I said back, trying to make conversation.

"Pretty long. Worth it to see you two though." His Mum replyed.

"Would you like a drink?" I asked

"Just water for me, please." His Dad said.

"Yeah, same for me. I'm driving so I can't really drink anything." his Mum added on. I started to walk out of the room to get the drinks they wanted.

"Dan, I'll come and help you." Phil said, I knew this was his excuse to talk with me so I took it. We walked out of the room and to the kitchen.

"So.. when we tell them?" Phil said.

"I thought you were having second thoughts about us.." I stared down towards the ground and started to kick the ground awkwardly.

"I had time to think.. I can't imagine life without being with you. How would I get knowledge about Delia Smith if I didn't have you?" He lifted my chin with his thumb so I could see his face; I could tell he was looking for approval so i smiled back. His smile widened as he kissed me softly on the lips. Pulling me closer he placed his hands further around my waist so that his hands met on my back. I placed my hands on his shoulders only concentrating on him. We then both came to a realisation of his parents being in the next room and pulled away giving each other a awkward look. I scratched my neck as he just smiled at my awkwardness.

"We'll tell them after dessert.." he said as he hugged me.

After pouring the water and checking the Spaghetti, Phil laid the table and I started to heat the sauce. I then dished out the Spaghetti onto plates and put some sauce on top of each portion of it. His parents joined us at the table and they started to eat their food.

"This is lovely, boys. Who made it?" His Mum said with the same crediting tone we used earlier.

"Actually Dan made it. I'm surprised he didn't burn the house down." Phil said as I laughed at his comment.

"I'm not that bad at cooking." I said in denial.

"No, you're not. This tastes really good." his Dad said as I smiled at him.

The evening passed and we finished all the food a few hours later. We had a good conversation about some pretty interesting topics and then just as Phil took his last bite of dessert his Mum and Dad stood up.

"This has been lovely boys. Been great to see you again and catch up" his Dad said.

"Actually, Mum, Dad, There's something I've been meaning to tell you." His parents sat down once again and looked at him concerned.

"What is it? You can tell us Phil!" His mother said.

"Well, Um.. I guess I'm just gonna come right out and say it." He grabbed hold of my hand above the table "Me and Dan are in a relationship."

"Well, we saw it coming. You two are great together." His Mum said with a smile on his face. My smile only widened.

"If you're happy together, I'm happy." his Dad added on.

"Anyway, we really should get going now.. It's a long drive back to Manchester!" his Mum giggled and they stood up and walked in the direction of the door. Phil stood there saying goodbye to his Mum and Dad. I just caught a short sentence his Mum said.

"You look after him.. He's a charming young man. Anyone would be lucky to be with him." I smiled to myself as he shut the door.

"That went well.." I said, letting out a deep sigh of relief.

"Now we've just got to prepare for tomorrow." Phil said as he hugged me tightly.


	18. author note

Hey again.. I'm really sorry I haven't been updating recently. I have a reason as to why it is (which you do not have to read if you don't want to.. I really don't want you to think I am attention seeking. I just think I owe some kind of explanation) ..So, in late January I fell into depression. Since then I stopped going to school, stopped eating and started cutting. I'm currently on antidepressants and am going to counselling weekly. I've not really been sleeping well and the only glimmer of happiness or hope comes from music and youtubers (as stupid as that sounds) and I have lost all energy to do anything except sit around (which is how eating disorders started- I put on a lot of weight not doing exercise and now feel like its the only way to loose weight) ..I have stopped cutting though and just went 4 weeks without it. I'm still in a pretty bad state and rarely go outside because my anxiety has gotten so bad. If there is no update for a little while, this is likely to be the reason. Thanks for reading this story so far and I will be sure to keep it up, just not as frequently. I do realise this seems incredibly attention seeking but to be completely honest only 5 people know about this and only 2 know exactly why I fell into depression. Anyway, bye for now.


	19. What do you mean?

I woke with the sun lighting the room and Phil laying in my arms breathing steadily with his hair tickling the bottom of my chin. I wanted to stay like this forever but I knew we had to get ready for tonight. I tried to awaken Phil by gently nudging him but he was in a deep sleep. I nudged him again a little harder and watched as his eyes fluttered open.

"5 more minutes.. " I tried to give him his required time but then I started to get impatient and so nudged him once again. I watched as Phil got used to his surroundings.

"What time is it?" He said to me sleepily. I grabbed my phone and was slightly alarmed by the time on the screen.

"Um.. 1:47pm..." I said to him as his eyes widened.

"Are you kidding? How did we sleep in that long?"

"Well.. we did go to bed pretty late last night."

"Oh well.. we're not going to get ready for tonight any quicker lying in bed."

With that we woke up and did everything we had to do to. Making food, tidying, making sure my parents were still coming and somehow we still had time left over. I watched as Phil finished off the stirfry and them the panic started to set in.

"Phil.. can we talk about something?" I said timidly as Phil switched off the ring.

"Sure.. anything."

"I'm petrified."

"It's fine.. your parents love you. They'll accept that you're happy"

"My parents like you but, my dad.."

"What about him?"

"He doesn't know."

"Haven't you told him you're not straight?"

"The only person in my family I told I'm bisexual to is my Mum.. she warned me not to tell my father for some reason. I think Adrian knows from the internet"

"Oh.."

"What do I fucking tell them?"

"You don't have to tell them. Dan, I'll still love you regardless of whether we tell them tonight."

"I love you too and that's why we're going to tell them. I couldn't give a fuck about what he has to say. They won't seperate us."

"You're amazing." He looked deeply into my eye's. I could tell what was happening. We were so close to kissing when the sound of the doorbell echoed through our apartment. I went straight to the door and standing there was my Mum, Dad and little brother.

"Hello Daniel" my mum said as she smiled widely at me.

"Hey..why don't you come in." I said to her. She stepped forward and pulled me into a hug before entering the house. My dad followed behind and then my brother started following but ended up stopping before me.

"Hey, do you have a minute to talk in private?" This confused me a lot as on a usual day he would much rather keep his earphones and listen to music then engage in conversation but also touched me a little too.

"Um, sure." I said to him as he attempted a smile but it came out as more of a smirk- I've been known to do this too. I lead him to my bedroom to talk to ensure no one could hear us. He sat next to me on the bed and looked down at the floor.

"What did you wanna talk about?" I said, trying to be the understanding older brother he deserved.

"Your stupid fangirls." He said back to me with a heavy amount of aggression in his tone.

"What do you-"

"They won't leave me alone. They are asking for pictures of you and pictures of us together and on top of that they're asking me if I'm single and other personal shit.. I hate it so much." He stood up and started pacing back and forth across my room. I stood up too just so it wouldn't be awkward when talking.

"Adrian, I know it must be hard and I've tried to tell them to back off but-"

"What a load of bullshit. You don't know how hard it is. You have no idea how many girls have asked me out and then started talking about you. No one likes me for me, they like me because my brother is danisnotonfire. Mum and Dad are starting to compare me to you now too.." he said in a quick mumble cutting me off. He then sat back down on the bed "Oh, why can't you be more like Dan? He's doing radio 1 and has 1.5 million subscribers and saves people's lives with his content and what do you do? You're failing at GCSE's and you have no intention of going to university. At least our perfect little angel Dan tried and then asked us to drop out" he said in a more mocking tone. Then an idea popped into my head.

"So, start youtube.." he looked up at me from the bed with confusion.

"What?"

"You heard me.."

"But.. I've never shown any interest in it." I sat down beside him with a smile on my face.

"Now you're the one that's bullshitting. All those times before I moved out where we'd stay up till 4am watching Shane Dawson and Smosh without telling Mum and where we'd always tell each other how we wanted to be like that in the future. Be the person saving lives. Be the person with millions of subscribers. You can do it. I believe in you.. God that was cheesier then it had to be.." we both laughed and after we calmed down he started to talk again.

"Yeah, but I'm gonna be known as a youtube legend's annoying younger brother"

"So, make a name for yourself. I'll help you!"

"When would you have the time to help me?"

"I spend literally 16 hours a day with my eyes glued to a computer screen and in a position that could cripple me very quickly, I clearly have a lot to do." I said sarcastically as he started to laugh.

"Okay but when do I make a video?"

"I'll be at reading train station at 10pm tomorrow. We can get a train to waterloo and then another train to get here. Bring a bag with clothes for a few days and anything else you'll need"

"Okay. One thing."

"Yeah? What?"

"10pm?! That's so early.." he whined.

"I'll have to get up at like 4am. It's about 4 hours to get all the way across London and get to reading."

"I'll have to get Dad to give me a lift from wokingham but I'm sure I can make it work."

"Good. Platform 1, okay?"

"Alright.. anyway.. we should probably get back to everyone else."

"Oh yeah, we kinda forgot about that, didn't we?"

"Yeah, we kinda did." I stood up to open the door.

"Dan.. one last thing" I turned around to see him standing infront of me.

"Yeah?" He then pulled me into a hug. I was a bit taken back by it at first but then I hugged back as he gripped slightly tighter.

"Thanks.." I didn't say anything- I didn't think it was necessary. After a couple of minutes he pulled away and went to open the door. I followed behind him as we went to the lounge to join my parents and Phil, who looked very awkward but were attempting to make conversation.

"I'm gonna go and put the food on plates. Anyone want a drink with dinner?" Phil said as me and Adrian entered the room.

"I'm okay thanks, Phil." My dad said.

"Yeah, me too."

"Okay. Adrian, you want anything?"

"No thanks." Phil left the room and my family all looked at each other awkwardly. I scratched the back of my neck as Adrian put his earphones in.

"So, how have things been?" My mum spoke as my dad looked around the room.

"Yeah, not too badly." I responded.

"I'm guessing you still like Muse judging on the posters in here." My dad spoke.

"How could I not?" My parents laughed at me as I stood awkwardly.

"What is that pair of metel lungs doing in your lounge?" My dad asked, still looking around the room.

"Oh, I was a team captain for this youtube competition and it was called supernote and the whole point is to see what team can have the most amount of entries and there is a bonus for what team can make the longest note. Our team practically owned the competition and we got over 4 times the amount of entries then the person in second place" I said.

"Guys, foods ready" I heard Phil call from the kitchen. We all walked to the table where me and Phil sat on one side, my parents sat opposite and Adrian sat at the end. The conversation kept going on and before we knew it we'd finished the stirfry and the apple crumble that Phil made for dessert. Now there was just one thing to do.

"So yeah, dad, can you drive me to reading?" Adrian said before putting his last bit of the dessert in his mouth.

"I guess so." My dad looked back smiling.

"Anyway, this has been great." My mum said as she started to stand up.

"Yeah, we have one last thing to say.." I said looking nervously at Phil.

"Yeah, what is it?" My mum looked in concern as she found her seat once again.

"Um, well, me and Phil are kinda in a relationship." I stuttered. The room went silent for a few moments. Everyone exchanged glances.

"You never told me you were gay.. what about that girl you were seeing for 3 years.. were you lying to her the whole time?" My dad spat.

"No, I'm interested in men and women.."

"Bit greedy, don't you think?" He said in his bitter tone once again.

"How is it? It's not like I'm having sex with everyone I see.." I debated. My mum glared at my dad as if to say "Come on, he's your son. Accept him."

"You know what, if you're happy I guess I'll have to be okay with it." My dad said coldly.

"Really?"

"Yeah, I mean, it's not like it changes you as a person.." my mum said before my dad could respond.

"We're your family, Dan. We won't judge you." Adrian said from the end of the table.

"We should probably get going." My mum said.

"Look after each other, okay?" My dad said.

"See you guys tomorrow." Adrian said as they started for the door.

"Bye." Phil said awkwardly.

"Bye." My mum and dad called at the same time.

My parents walked out the front door, my mum giving me a hug before exiting.

"Um.. what just happened?" Phil asked.

"Well, my mum persuaded my dad to accept me.. by persuaded I mean gave him the daggers."

"Oh. Anyway, I know the actual reason Adrian is coming over tomorrow isn't because he is missing his brother like he said.. what the real reason?" Phil said sternly.

"Oh, I'm gonna help him start up a youtube channel.. teach him how to edit, how to film, how to come up with content.. that sort of thing. I think I might make it so we film a whole bunch of videos so then he doesn't have to worry about it for a while. Its Summer holidays at the moment so I think he's staying for a few days."

"Wow, that sounds great.. what about the show tomorrow? We can't exactly have him on it with us.."

"He can stay here and edit his first video."

"You sure about this. I thought you two don't get along."

"Well, the reason he hated me was because of fangirls stalking him."

"So you think youtube's going to help with stalkers?"

"It will help him make a name of his own. He was also getting problems with people only wanting to know him for being my brother. Now people might want to know him for him."

"Okay. Well, it seems like you've got it all worked out. Anyway, you wanna go and watch Kill Bill?"

"I should probably go to bed actually."

"Its only 8:30"

"Have to be up at about 4 so I can get everything ready, get showered and dressed and get up to reading."

"Okay. You want me to come up to reading with you?"

"No point. It's just extra money wasted. I'll only be gone a few hours."

"Okay, well, I'm going to edit a video. I'll be in bed in a few hours."

"Okay. Night. Love you." As I said this he wrapped his arms around me and planted a soft kiss on my forehead.

"Night. I love you too." I pulled away and walked towards my bedroom. I didn't want to leave his arm but I knew I couldn't stay there forever.

* * *

**Hey. Been a really long time since I've updated. I'm so sorry about that! This chapter is also pretty bad and I am back to not knowing where this story is going. Either way, hope you like it and yeah.. thanks for everyone supporting me with my depression. Means so much. Love you so much :]**


	20. The video

I heard the sound of my alarm go off. Tapping the snooze button without a second thought. I then realised there was a reason I was getting up. I had to be in reading in 6 hours. I freed myself from Phil's arms and stood up. It was already getting light outside so I didn't feel so bad about it being 4am. I stumbled to the kitchen and poured some shreddies into a bowl followed pouring some coffee into my mug. After finishing eating I went to twitter to see who was awake. Turns out a lot of people were due to it being Summer Holidays. I saw some amusing tweets that woke me up a bit and by 5am I decided it was a good time to shower.

After 15 minutes with the warm water waking me up slightly more so I was now fully alert I made my way back to my laptop to check tumblr and ended up reblogging about 27 pictures. I then got dressed being sure not to wake Phil and made my way to the nerd room that was originally the spare bedroom but we had turned it into a room for editing now. I pulled out the sofa bed hoping adrian wouldn't mind sleeping on it for two nights and put bedding on it so it looked more like a bed. After finishing I stepped out and put a book and a bottle of water in a backpack I checked the time nervously before putting my jacket on because I could tell it would be cold despite it being Summer just because of how early it was. I put my headphones on, plugged them into my phone, put my wallet and oyster card into my pocket then turned on some music and threw the bag over one shoulder so it was hanging loosely across my back.

I then walked downstairs grabbed my keys off the counter and opened the door. I got outside and suddenly the cold breeze hit me. I tried to ignore it as in find my way to the train station. Once I get there I get on the first train to waterloo that I see and sit back. The carriage is empty as it's 7am so I felt more relaxed. It was also a Sunday so rush hour won't be so bad. My station finally came and I got off almost immediately as the train stopped. I almost got lost looking for the right platform. Then one came up. I saw a few random names that I'd come across before when traveling to see Phil.. Barnes, Feltham, Witton.. I had no idea where these places were. Them reading came up. It was straight at the end of the line. The last platform. I knew this was a long journey but I didn't know it was that long. I bought a ticket because I knew my oyster card would stop working outside of London and then made my way to the gate and made my way over to platform 20. Getting on the train I pressed my head against the glass and continued to listen to Muse. Just as uprising started playing the doors closed and the train started to move slowly but gradually picking up speed. Once I was a little past Ashford I decided to tweet how I was on a train and how much I hated mornings. I then went back to my book and after a while I realised I was nearing Reading. I got off the train as soon as it came to a stop and said that the train had come to the end of the line. I got of and put my ticket in the machine. It returned it afterwards and then let me through. I check my phone noticing I was 8 minutes late but hoping Adrian won't mind. I then use the stairs to cross over from platform 2 to platform 1 and once I reached it scanned my eyes around the platform looking for him. He saw me and walked towards me coolly.

"Hey." He said

"Hi. How've you been?"

"Well, Dad wouldn't give me a lift to the station so I ended up asking Mum who complained how late for work she was but apart from that I'm okay"

"Oh.. is dad still taking it badly?"

"Yeah, kinda. He didn't talk much last night and this morning when I asked what was wrong he said he felt hurt from being lied to for the past 6 years since I told my mum"

"Oh. Anyway, our train leaves in 3 minutes" I said looking up at the board above the platform. We got on the train and found seats. Then continued to talk.

"Okay. What is the first video going to be about?"

"You can choose to introduce yourself or just go straight in with your first vlog"

"I have no recording equipment though." I gave him a long stare as he stood there awkwardly

"I do vlogging for a living. You can use my equipment."

"Okay, but what about when I go back to reading?"

"Tomorrow I'll take you to pc world and get you a decent camera and a tripod and then i can get you flatlights on ebay and send them to reading in a few days" He stood back in shock.

"I've seen how much all that shit costs. There's no way I could take all that money from you."

"Its just over £1000 and if you feel bad you'll make the money in no time if you want to pay back but I'm offering to give it to you because you're my brother"

"Okay. So you think I'm capable of making money out of it?"

"Definitely. I do and I'm not creative.."

"I'll give it a shot."

"Good." I said as the doors started to close and the train started to pick up speed. The conversation started to get awkward and resulted in us both of us listening to music. After changing trains at waterloo and getting back to the train station near my house we were finally back at the house by about 12pm meaning we had the whole day left to make videos. Phil was already awake when we got in and was sitting with a cup of coffee and his laptop on his knee and his green hoodie on.

"Hey Phil. You alright?" I asked him with concern. He looked up and looked slightly paler then usual and appeared to also be wearing his glasses.

"Not really" he said, taking another sip of coffee "just feeling really off today. Its fine though. I've taken medicine and am already feeling slightly better" he added on.

"Are you sure you're okay?" I replyed.

"Yeah. It's fine. Twitter will make me feel better."

"are we going to film then?" Adrian said throwing his bag down into the corner of the lounge and removing his headphones.

"Yeah, we can start straight away if you wanted to?" I said back to him.

"Okay." He said as I went to my room to grab lights, camera, and a tripod. When I got back to the room Phil had already gone to his room telling Adrian that he would give us some space. I stood the camera on the stand and put the lights behind the camera, facing the white wall, and plugged them in. I then pointed my arm to the wall signalling him to stand in front of then camera.

"What do I say?" He said in a quick jumble.

"What ever feels natural."

"Okay..let me think."

"Tell me when you think you're ready and I'll press record."

"Alright." He thought for abour 7 minutes and even got a pen and paper to write notes.

"Okay. You can press record now" he said nervously. I did as he said and he took a deep breath before opening his mouth to speak.

"Hey internet!" He said, doing the usual salute I do and saying it in the same way I do. "Oh wait, I probably shouldn't say that.. can't think why though." He then said sarcastically, making me bite my lip wanting to laugh but knowing I couldn't because it would ruin the recording. "My name's Adrian and some of you may know me as that kid who get stalked by his brothers fans. Others of you may have just managed to get to the cringe worthy vloggers side of youtube which I manage to get myself to a lot so I feel your pain." I stood back and watched him talk for a few minutes. Saying what videos he'd make, saying a few of his interests and even saying why he started youtube. After saying goodbye he looked at me to switch the camera off, which I did straight away.

"How did I do?" He asked me, going back to the nervous tone that he'd managed to mask with a confident tone throughout the video.

"You're a natural. There were points where I wanted to burst into laughter because of how funny you were." I said back to him in a crediting tone.

"Really? Can we film another video?" He asked eagerly.

"Yeah.. we could even do one together on each of our channels?"

"Yeah. Okay!" He said as his smile widened.

We decided to go with the classic sibling tag and answer 7 questions on his channel and 7 on mine switching on the camera once again, we both stood in front of it.

"Hello internet" we both said at the same moment.

"So I'm always asked more then anything else to do a video talking about family and never really wanted to until now because my little brother has just started youtube."

"Yeah.. you should all subscribe to me.. sorry self promotion. Shame on me." He said.

"Anyway, we decided to do the sibling tag because that seems like the generic thing siblings do with each other. I mean, we could put a bunch of make up on each other which I'm sure would be far more entertaining but none of us own any. Sorry about that." I said as Adrian giggled slightly.

"Yeah, seven questions, which is half the tag in case you can't count, will be answered here and then the rest of the questions will be answered on my channel." He said as I did a weird dance next to him.

"Without further a do, I think we should start." I said.

"Question 1: who is oldest?" Adrian said. We both gave a stare to the camera as if we thought that it was stupid that the question was that. "A banana." He answered sarcastically making me laugh.

"Funniest memory?" I said, scanning my brain for a good story.

"Well, there was all that travelling we did when we were younger but I actually prefer when we would just sit up playing games till 4am and watching scary movies and watching youtubers without mum knowing" he said before my brain could wonder too far.

"Memorable arguement?" He said.

"Yesterday, but we won't go too much into that." I responded.

"Which brings us onto our next question; do you still argue? Last arguement you had? ..I don't think we have to answer that one." He said.

"Yeah, neither do I. Next question!"

"Show us an old picture of you? ..we left them all in reading. Sorry guys" he said.

"What was the last text you sent each other?" I said as Adrian picked up the pikachu plush and started fiddling with it. "We don't tend to text each other much to be honest" I added on.

"And finally, for now, Are you close?" He asked "we used to be closer" he said and I nodded my head in agreement. We the filmed an introduction for the video on his channel before continuing the questions.

"What one thing annoys you about the other?" He said, giggling a little at the end because he could sense what my answer would be.

"He always used to touch my neck to annoy me." I said as he reached up to poke it knowing I couldn't stand it.

"He has a similar music taste to me.." he said to my surprise.

"That's a bad thing?"

"Yeah, it means that people think you influenced my music taste.."

"Okay?" I responded "next question." I added on scrolling down my phone to see the other questions.

"Anything you do together?" He said looking up at the camera

"Not really." I said.

"We used to stay up late together but we haven't done that since the year before you went to uni. Anyway, next question?" He said.

"Were you or have you ever been competitive with each other?"

"Not really." He responded. "Have you ever fancied each other's mates? He asked.

"Well, I've never fancied any of yours because that would be a bit weird." I said causing him to laugh.

"I fancied your ex girlfriend for like a week because she was nice to me but I was like 11 so I knew that would be a little complicated.."

"Yeah.. anyway. What is one thing you can do that your sibling can't?" I said.

"Well I can play guitar and you can't" he said.

"And I can write with my left hand and I'm amazing at tongue twisters"

"You are?"

"Yeah.. I'm not a pheasant plucker I'm a pheasant plucker son and I'll keep on plucking pheasants till my pheasant plucking's done." I said quickly, giving a flamboyant look afterwards internally glad I didn't mess up. Adrian just slow clapped sarcastically.

"Shut up" I said laughing half way through.

"Who is the best looking?" He said.

"Judge for yourself." I said then posed in the least attractive way I could. Adrian was doing a similar pose next to me. After a few moments fixed in that position he broke out in laughter.

"That shoudn't of happened" he stated.

"And lastly, who is the most talented?" I asked.

"Obviously me." Adrian said sarcastically.

"Bitch please." I said.

"To be honest I think this pikachu toy has more talent then either of us put together."

"Yeah, I feel as if you might be right."

We then signed off and turned the camera off. The rest of the day, until the radio show, was spent by making videos with Phil as well because he felt a bit better. Finally it got to the time where we had to do the radio show which me and Phil were particularly nervous about because we had planned something that might change everything.

* * *

**worst chapter yet.. oh well. Also, I thought I might need to add that this story only has a few more chapters left. I now have a good idea of the direction this story is heading. Thanks for support on the story and on my depression. Means so much. Love you guys. Stay cool! **

**Beavercorn**


	21. This is real

*the radio show- 8:30pm*

"And that was the cave by mumford and sons. It is now time for internet news!" Phil said.

"A naked man.." I started

"I don't like where this is going.." phil said making me giggle a little.

"Chopped off his... how do I say this so we don't get thrown off the radio.. penis."

"Oh God." Phil said with disgust

"That's not even the worst part. He was in public"

"Internet news" Phil said in his usual tone but through some giggles he failed to control.

"A giant badger has been reported for terrorising a girls school in kent.." Phil said.

"I don't think I have anything to say about that.."

"Internet news."

"A man is obsessed with collecting bricks. "

"What?"

"Yeah.. he says each of his 1, 000 blocks has a story to tell"

"He has over 1, 000 bricks?"

"Yes."

"Humanity is beautiful."

"Internet news"

"A man stoll meat from his local supermarket because it reminded him of his dead grandma" I said in slight disbelief.

"Wow.."

"Um.. yeah, apparently the trial cost over £20, 000"

"There are some news stories that I don't believe, even though they're written down in front of me... internet news."

"This last one may make you either incredibly happy or make you feel like your life is over"

"Um yeah.. basically. Um.. Phan is real" Phil said smiling and holding my hand.

We had nothing else to say so ended up just playing a my chemical romance song. Then Aled came in and talked to us and ended up saying he knew all along and then a girl called in and dedicated Bliss to us. It felt amazing knowing how well people were taking it. When we switched on our phones on after the show we got more texts, tweets and missed calls then we could even imagine. Once we got home we ended up watching movies with Adrian for ours before going to bed at around 4am (which felt unbearable for me because I had been up since the same time the day before.

* * *

**Hey guys. This is a very short chapter because I felt like you wouldn't of wanted me to go into much detail and would of just wanted a basic idea.. the ending chapters will definitely be longer and more detailed. **

**Love you so much**

**Beavercorn**


	22. unanswerable questions

A few days past. Fans seemed to be taking the news pretty well; After teaching him how to edit, Adrian posted his first video and loads of people were subscribing to him and giving him positive feed back and Phil went to the doctors yesterday (while me and Adrian got camera equipment) because he still felt poorly. To our surprise it was actually some a complication related to his overdose a few months ago but he caught it just in time for it to be treated with pills. Now it's Tuesday night- Adrian has to go home and like the good brother I am I offered to take him back so that he doesn't get lost in the streets of London.

"You forgot to pack your sock." Phil said to Adrian, who was racing around with his mac under one arm and charger in his opposite hand. As he stopped he stared down at the sock Phil was pointing at and sighed.

"That's Dan's sock." He said, starting to walk to his bag again.

"Sorry, I didn't know," he started then stopped for a second looking for an excuse as my eyebrow raised "I'm not wearing my glasses and I forgot to put my contacts in" his faced turned red and he gave an innocent look.. he really wasn't that good at lying so I have no idea how I even believed he was 'seeing' Hayle when he told me a few months ago.

"Sure.." Adrian gave him a sceptical look and extended the word to show he was in disbelief "anyway, we have about 20 minutes before the train and you're still not dressed" he said to me with a slightly sterner tone.

"I know but I'm so lazy.." I complained.

"Okay.. I guess I'll just get the train... by myself.. without anyone.. maybe I'll get lost in London.. I guess that would make a good video for my channel" he said in an over dramatic tone staring down at the floor and looking up to see if I had a sympathetic look, which I didn't. He sighed "just imagine.. a teenager wondering around London; lost. Cold. Not knowing what train to get.. no where to go. Getting raped by creepy old men all because their scumbag of an older brother was 'too lazy' ..what a dick. I'll have to go into thieving just to pay-"

"Alright, alright... fine" I gave in, standing up to get changed.

"Good little Danny." He said in a sarcastic tone, tapping my shoulder.

"Never call me that again."

"Why not, Danny?"

"Because it annoys me.."

"Exactly" he said in a sly tone as I sighed.

I walked into my room and took the more comfortable sweatpants I was wearing and exchanged them for jeans that could probably cut off the circulation in my legs if I wore them for too long. I then put on my old white trousers and walked out looking at my phone only to notice we had 3 minutes till our train.

"Come on! We gotta leave!" I heard Adrian scream, throwing a bag over his shoulder and holding his camera bag in his left hand.

We openes the door and ran across the road with only a glance to check for traffic. Running up the road we reached the station and went down the stairs to the platform, scanning our cards before we got on to the train that was about to leave with a second to spare.

Before long we were back at Reading and Mum picked up Adrian so I walked back into the station and towards platform 2. Suddenly a piercing noise met my ears.

"OH.. MMMMY.. GOD! DA- DA- DANISNOTONFIRE!" One girl appeared in front of me who was probably about 14 or 15. I smiled at her and walked towards her, slightly scared about the time.

"Hey!" I said in a polite tone.

"It's.. you." She starts to laugh so I join her.

"Yep, it's me. Do you want a hug?" I smile at her.

"Yes!" She said, running into my arms. I grip tightly but then feel a heavy object hit my head. She pulls away and has a slightly darker look as I fall to the floor. I see another girl who is slightly taller standing next to her with a baseball bat as my vision starts to blur. I then black out, confused and with questions I can't answer.

* * *

**DUN DUN DUN!**

**Hey guys! I realise this is a kinda short chapter but hopefully you still like it. **

**Also, for anyone that doesn't know, I'm writing another fanfiction with my friend's Camrin and Alyx and I've been doing a lot of writing lately because it's meant to be my turn to write (we do it in rotations where we write two chapters each so if we start any kind of plot twist we can continue it so the next person isn't left confused) but I think that it's pretty good.. be great if you could maybe check it out? (/s/8976489/1/A-New-You) **

**Thanks! **

**Also thanks a lot for all the support on the story. It means a lot! c:**

**Love you all so much**

**Beavercorn**


	23. are you mad?

I woke up to see myself in a darkened room. I looked around taking in my surroundings and then looked down to see my hands tied together behind me and that I was sitting in a chair that was exactly the same as the uncomfortable chairs you have to sit in when taking A-levels. I struggled as I felt my feet tied together too.

"Oh, you're finally awake.. you slept for a while." The taller girl said in a sly tone.

"Why are you doing this?"

"Doing what?" The smaller of the two said even more slyly, stroking my hair for a unknown reason.

"This, whatever this is. I thought you watched my videos and-" I was cut off by their laughter.

"You know, maybe I was wrong..this whole time we thought he wasn't funny and now I'm pretty much pissing myself of laughter" the smaller one said as I noticed she still had her baseball bat from earlier and started patting it in her hand as she walked back and forth and her friend stopped stroking my hair. She then put some pressure onto a wound I didn't know existed making me hiss in pain.

"Aww, poor baby. Did that hurt?" She cooed sarcastically as the taller girl started to laugh.

"Can you please explain to me what the fuck is going on?" I asked, getting a bit short tempered.

"Aww, the poor little baby is getting aggressive. How cute." The taller girl said stopping before me and stopped patting the bat in her hand and instead dropped it to her side.

"Is there something frustrating about this little situation?" The smaller girl asked and returned to the random hair strokes.

"Is poor Dan lost without his little Philly?" The taller girl asked as she brought her head down to the same level as my eyes and looked into them. There was a look in her eyes of pure hatred and disgust but also a guilty look as if to say she didn't actually want to do this.

"Is this what this is about?" I spat.

"Oh look, you must be fucking Sherlock." She said again in a sort of growl making me close my eyes not wanting to look at them.

"What has Phil got to do with this?" I asked feeling a slight tear build up in my eyes that I knew I couldn't let escape.

"Tell us, what do you see in Phil?" The smaller girl asked.

"Why?" I asked with confusion in my voice.

"We asked you to do something. Considering you're tied up and we have something we can hurt you with, I think it's a good idea you do." The taller one threatened and raised her baseball bat.

"Okay, okay.. well, he is sweet and innocent and wouldn't hurt anyone and he's nice to everyone and he's helped so many people and he's gentle and he's protective and-"

"Exactly," I was cut off by the smaller girl but if I'm honest I could of gone on for days just saying all the things that made me love him. "He was my first love even though we've never met. You fucked that up. I've been crying since you announced that. I have lost all hope and I was on the verge of death on Sunday from a serious suicide attempt.." the smaller one said.

"I couldn't see my best friend like that so she came up with the ingenius plan to take you down and i obviously had to help her.. we snuck out the hospital that same night to make our way to London but conveniently you were already at Reading" the taller one continued. I gave a long pause then opened my mouth to speak once again.

"Have you gone completely mad?" I asked then came to a realisation of what I said. Way to go Dan, get sassy to the people who are planning to fucking kill me. The taller one passed the bat over to the smaller girl.

"Have you? Going for a guy who's way out of your league. I would be okay if you were a girl who was actually nice and funny, but don't you find it a bit weird that you're the same sex?" The smaller one spat at me in pure disgust.

"Emily, that's a little homophobic.." the taller one said.

"Shut up Dynasty. Just because I have dibs on Phil" the smaller one who I now learned their name is Emily.

"You know what, I never should of agreed to this. I've just realised how much of a bitch you are.. they are just two people in love and you're an envious little cow who can't except that Phil will never be in love with you."

"Never call me that!" Emily said, raising the bat. Dynasty ran behind the chair I was sat in and hid.

"Aww.. look at the two of you. Both as bad as each other. Never knew my best friend was such a pussy."

"Never call me that! I'm not your best friend. I want nothing to do with you!" She stood up once again and stood to the side of my chair. "I'm so sorry Dan.. she made me do this. I really hope you can forgive me." She whispered quickly.

"You know what. I'm done with both of you!" Emily said, swimging her bat fiercely and knocking Dynasty out. She then aimed for me once again and before I knew it lost consciousness.

Third person POV.

After knocking Dynasty out Emily tied her to a near by chair that looked just like the one Dan was sat in and put her and Dan back to back. She then tied a large rope around the two of them to secure them in place. She then stood back to admire her work and noticed something in the corner of her eye that caught her attention a lot. Her mind filled with evil thoughts and then before she could let these thoughts wonder too far she was already drawn to an particular idea she had. No one could stop her now.

* * *

**And now everyone hates me.. I'm so sorry. I have no idea when the next chapter will be up but I'm feeling inspired right now (like the time I wrote 4 chapters in one night) so if you're lucky it might be later tonight..doubt it though. **

**Either way, love you guys so much :D**

**Beavercorn**


	24. the end!

Third person POV

Emily caught sight of some cans of petrol in the corner and before thinking twice ran over to them and pulled the lid off one of them. She then started to pour the fluid around the two unconscious bodies and then scattered it around the pretty empty room. The room quickly filled with fumes as she started to pour more around them. She then opened a third can and poured it over the two helpless people she poured until she was content before smirking and checking the time. After doing so she got a tissue out of her pocket and dipped it into some remaining petrol. Then took out a lighter and set the soaked tissue alight. She stared at it for a few moments before throwing it down onto the trail of flammable liquid and running out of the building. The tissue catches and soon there are many flames that hadn't yet spread to Dan and Dynasty. More flames catch other objects and start to spread from the corner to the centre where the two sat, unaware of what is going on around them. Emily runs. She runs as far away as she can get. She tries to erase this out of her memory. She just runs, knowing she'll soon be caught for this but running anyway. She runs until.. she sees someone approach the building as fast as they can. This made her stop dead in her tracks. She runs through her thoughts. Does she stop them? Does she let them go in? Does she pretend she has no idea what is going on and just keep running? She then makes her eyes adjust properly to see who it is and to her surprise it's someone she never would have expected to have showed up..

Dan's POV

I woke up to feel a sharp pain in my head from where the psycho had hit me but before I could think about it too much I noticed something.. I'm drenched in petrol.. the room is filled with smoke.. I can hear the flickering of flames. After piecing all these things together I noticed... the building was on fire and I was tied to this seat, knowing I have no way of getting out. I struggle, picking at the sides of ropes but to no avail. I'm trapped and just waiting for my own death.. like a saw trap but not being given any challenge to try and free myself. I try to fiddle even more and then feel two other hands tied near mine in the same way that mine were tied. I turn my head sharply to see it's Dynasty. The flames were spreading closer to her. I struggle and do the only thing I can do. Cry for help. I scream at the top of my voice as the fierce flames fill any area it can get at, catching to near by objects. I just watch, helpless, praying to every God I don't believe in that we'll be okay. I start to cough as the smoke fills the room and then riggle my shoulders in an attempt to cover my mouth with my shirt but then remembering there was petrol on it so there was no point. I struggle and struggle, knowing I need to put up a fight. Suddenly I hear creaking at the doors, hoping it's the fire brigade to put the fire out. But as the door opens and I catch sight of who it is, my mouth opens wide with shock.

Third person POV

"Dan!" Phil is standing at the doorway with a look of terror in his eyes.

"Phil! Help me, please!" Dan cries at him, letting tears roll down his face as the flames near his and Dynasty's bodies and make him sweat from how hot they are. Phil runs over and pulls a small pocket knife I never knew he owned out his pocket.

"Dad gave it to me for emergencies when I was 8 and kept it in his shed till I was 18.." Phil murmured as he tackled the ropes with his sharp blade, the flames edging closer and closer to the three of them. He had just one more to get through and ended up cutting through it with a lot of ease. Dan was free. The flames were still getting closer so they started to run, knowing that the fire was about to catch the petrol cans that Emily didn't use and once they caught it would be very easy for the buliding to expload.

"Wait!" Dan said as they were almost out of the burning building. "We have to get Dynasty!" He continued as he started running back towards her and pulled Phil's arm. Phil stared at Dynasty with worry then stared back at the blaze and then back at Dynasty. He gave in and ran towards the girl who couldn't be much older then 17. Phil started cutting her ropes and then finally got the last one undone before carrying her motionless body towards the exit as fast as he could. Once they got out the building they continued to run knowing they only had seconds before.. bang. They all fell to the ground knowing they had to keep low from seeing similar events happen in movies. The two who were conscious looked back to see the inferno and feeling lucky they made it out in time. Dan reached over to Phil's hand and grabbed it tightly.

"How.. how did you know that I was in trouble?" Dan stuttered as Phil gripped his hand tightly.

"Adrian." Phil mumbled back to him.

"What?" Dan asked, slightly shocked.

"He called me saying he saw two girls shove your unconscious body into the back of a van and then went on to explain how him and your mum followed them but they kind of caught onto that and Adrian was too scared to go in alone."

"Where is he now?" Dan asked as Phil checked Dynasty's breathing.

"He saw a girl running away from the building and then went on to follow her and do a bit of stalking.. he texted me half an hour ago saying he knows where she lives and is trying to get the police to believe him.. they think it's just a prank.."

"It doesn't seem likely that two girls in their mid teens would try to kill a 22 year old man. Does it?"

"Oh yeah, if there was two girls involved and Adrian only saw one girl leave, where is the other one?" Phil asked. Dan pointed towards Dynasty who was now in recovery position from Phil tending to her while they were talking.

"Wait, a girl tried to kill you and then we saved her life?"

"Everyone deserves a second chance plus, she turned on her psycho friend.."

Suddenly the sound of sirens whistled through the air as many fire engine's, ambulance's and police car's surrounded the area. Dan and Phil were both taken into hospital so Dan could get the multiple **wounds** on his head stitched. Dynasty woke up in hospital and stayed there slightly longer then Dan and Phil because she had minor brain damage from where Emily hit her. And, as for Emily, she wasn't arrested but instead put into a hospital because they discovered she had lots of psychological problems and needed to stabilise her. Adrian and Dynasty started going out not long after that and after getting life back on track, Phil had a very serious announcement.

"Um.. Dan. Can I talk with you?" Phil asked the younger boy who was pouring cereal into a bowl in the kitchen.

"Yeah sure.. what's up?"

"Um well.. before I say anything, just know that I love you so much"

"I know. I love you too" he said hugging him tightly.

"Um.. well.. um.."

"Phil, spit it out.. you can tell me anything. You know that" Dan said reassuringly.

Phil breathed in deeply to ease his nerves "well.."

* * *

**Hello, yeah, that's the drama llama that is the last chapter. Thanks to every single person who has read this and reviews on it. It's been awesome writing for such amazing people. Yeah.. not much else to say except sorry for not updating as often as I was probably capable of. I finished it in the end!**

**Bye for now! Love you all so, so much! :D**

**Beavercorn**


	25. another author note (wtf?)

**Hey there guys.. It's been so long! Okay, basically you know that thing I told you about in the Author note for chapter 18 ..Well.. I've been admitted to hospital for it.. Here's the full story of why..**

**(this is something that was originally posted to the facebook phandom page I admin)**

I really don't want to depress any of you guys or be called an attention seeker but I feel like you kinda deserve to know the FULL story as to why I'm in hospital. You don't have to read it all, because trust me, it's very long and depressing, but if you want to read it, then feel free. Basically, My childhood was never particularly fun.. I had great times with my family but I had no friends and was being bullied daily, even by teachers. I would go home with bruises and tear stained cheeks and often people would write things in marker pen on my head like 'fat' or 'loser' or 'loner' ..I was often that person who had no friends and sat in the corner of the playground. One day these boys in year 6 walked past when I was in year three and called me a lesbian. I didn't know what it meant at the time but when my mum told me later that night I cried because I had no idea how people could think that was an insult and I was disgusted at those guys. Either way, year 6 came fast enough and I was off to secondary school. I was so happy I got to leave. It was a fresh start. I went in and made friends reasonably fast and had 1 best friend who I told everything to. No one knew (except her) that I was self harming at that point because I often had flashbacks of primary school that made me feel worthless. It was about then I started to use facebook. I had an account since year 6 but rarely used it until then because every night I would get hurtful messages and because I was only 10 I had no idea how to block them. So when I logged back on to facebook in about October 2010 I had many friend requests from people at my new school. I excepted them all happily. Then checked my messages. I looked through my messages to see one from an unknown person which said 'Hey baby, how are you?' I started talking with this guy until he said something that scared me so much. "I know your secret. If you don't send me a nude of you I will spread it around your school. Everyone will know" ..I started to ask him what secret and started to panic and then this man said "that you cut yourself.. It's pretty obvious. You don't cover it up too well you emo fag" ..my heart began to beat so fast. I logged off facebook and started to watch Dan and Phil, which was the only thing that kept me going throughout the last year of Primary school. The next few months went on as normal. Then my Aunt attempted suicide on the 14th of April 2011 by throwing herself off a cliff ..My heart broke. She meant so much to me and now she is in a hospital and hooked up to so many machines to keep her heart beating and too weak for surgury. I then found out roughly 2 weeks later that my Dad had fallen seriously ill. I lost all hope. About a month after that happened my dog who I had grown up with died. Then one day in the middle of year 8, when everything had settled but I started to push people away so lost a lot of friends, I went in to school.. I opened my locker to see so many notes crammed in it saying things like "emo cunt" and "I hope you cut too deep and die" ..I ran to the toilets and cried. A teacher managed to get me out and then I went to the school counsellor who told my Mum that I cut myself. She had 'the talk' with me (I'm sure a few of you must know what one I'm on about) and I had lost all my friends. I went upstairs and cried myself to sleep. I had already stopped cutting by this point. I went on until the end of year 8 being verbally bullied for it and crying myself to sleep and watching Dan and Phil daily in a desperate attempt to feel happiness. Then year 9 came. I was being beaten up daily, just like primary school. I relapsed. I began to cut again. No one knew this time. I was suffering in silence. I did clever things to cover the cuts like wearing long sleeved white tops underneath my PE shirts and never taking off my jumper. No one knew. Until January of this year. I was reaching up heigh for something and then my sleeve rolled up.. My mum saw and marched me to the doctors the very next day. I started to skip days at school to avoid the bullying and spending the whole of lunch sitting on a toilet crying. Then one morning I went to my mum and said "Mum.. I have a really bad stomach ache. I can't go in" I said about 20 minutes before I had to leave. "You didn't have a stomach ache when you were pigging out on everything last night. Stop lying." I started to have a panic attack at the thought of spending another day in that school. I then had a complete breakdown. I began to cry hysterically and then finally said "Please, please, please don't make me face those horrible people. I'm not strong enough any more. Please. I'm begging you. Please don't make me go in.. Please..." she started to stroke my hair, knowing this calms me down and then said "I think you need to see a doctor.." I went and they said it's possible Psychosis, depression, anxiety and PTSD but I am legally not allowed to diagnose you." ..So he admitted me to CAMHS (child and adolescent mental health services) Later that night though I developed a eating disorder from what my mum had said and what my flashbacks were telling me ..about a month after I went to CAMHS and I was diagnosed with severe depression, chronic anxiety, DSH (deliberate self harm) and possible Psychosis because I refused to outside. Not long after I had my first suicide attempt. I began to drink bleach but once I had started I just started to vomit it back up and no lethal amount was consumed. I still felt dead inside. Not long after I began to swallow pills and then my dad walked in. I didn't go to hospital considering I only swallowed about 5 and it was a pretty harmless drug. Not long before I got admitted to the hospital I'm in now I threw myself down some stairs.. Nothing happened.. My cutting worsened and before long I cut too deep. I hit a vain and went to my local A&E ..There I was going to get my wounds stitched but they ended up not doing it.. Then my CAMHS worker met me in the hosptal that night and said "you're going to a mental hospital" I tried to refuse but she threatened to section me so I said I would rather be voluntary. I spent that night in paediatrics with a baby who was so ill he spent the night crying, a 6 year old who spent the whole night complaining and screaming "Stupid baby! SHUT UP BABY!" throughout the entire night and a nurse who kept asking me if I was in any pain (which I wasn't) ..Anyway.. been in there for 3 months and still self harm and recently became really suicidal.. I am still thinking about doing something and last night was so close to hanging myself.. Anyway.. Don't need to depress you any more.. Just thought you guys deserved to know.. You probably didn't even read all of it but at least now it's off my chest.. Bye!


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